http://justbeingaqueen.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] justbeingaqueen.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] slidingmoments2012-04-09 06:47 pm
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Why can't I be Dorothy and whipped away to a world where there's no tornado?
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[identity profile] breaksniceguys.livejournal.com 2012-04-09 09:23 am (UTC)(link)
Because no one wants creepy flying monkeys coming after them and their little dog.

[identity profile] justbeingaqueen.livejournal.com 2012-04-09 09:28 am (UTC)(link)
I don't have a dog, just a... guy who acts a bit like one sometimes. Or a puppy at least.

[identity profile] breaksniceguys.livejournal.com 2012-04-09 09:36 am (UTC)(link)
How is your short dark and handsome? You still happy with him?

[identity profile] justbeingaqueen.livejournal.com 2012-04-09 09:39 am (UTC)(link)
Before or after we broke up?

[identity profile] breaksniceguys.livejournal.com 2012-04-09 09:49 am (UTC)(link)
Oh right... I keep conveniently blocking that part out. I just got caught up with you even having a boyfriend.

[identity profile] justbeingaqueen.livejournal.com 2012-04-09 09:51 am (UTC)(link)
I'm glad you can keep conveniently blocking it.

I'm going to Jacksonville. My shrink is booking me into the clinic.

[identity profile] breaksniceguys.livejournal.com 2012-04-09 09:56 am (UTC)(link)
I'm sorry, Kurt. I don't mean to be a bitch about it.

Want me to get you anything for the trip?

[identity profile] justbeingaqueen.livejournal.com 2012-04-09 10:02 am (UTC)(link)
It's okay. I know you're busy.

No, it's okay. Blaine's driving me up there.

[identity profile] breaksniceguys.livejournal.com 2012-04-09 10:05 am (UTC)(link)
I should never be too busy for you.

I'll call you, and come visit when I can. How long are you planning on going for?

[identity profile] justbeingaqueen.livejournal.com 2012-04-09 10:08 am (UTC)(link)
Shit happens, I guess.

Until I stop sticking my fingers down my throat and eating again. I'm a lost cause. I hurt Blaine. I can't keep going on like this.

[identity profile] breaksniceguys.livejournal.com 2012-04-09 10:10 am (UTC)(link)
Too much of it lately.

You're not a lost cause. If you were one you wouldn't even bother with a clinic. Sweetie, you're going to get through this.

[identity profile] justbeingaqueen.livejournal.com 2012-04-09 10:16 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah, literally. It's what led to Blaine and me breaking up.

I don't want to go. I hate that place. But I have to. He said he wants to help me, even if I know I'm freaking him out.

[identity profile] breaksniceguys.livejournal.com 2012-04-09 10:18 am (UTC)(link)
The fact that he even still wants to help is huge. And I know you hate that place but you're past my help. Talking to the shrink didn't help this time around either. You need the big guns.

[identity profile] justbeingaqueen.livejournal.com 2012-04-09 10:22 am (UTC)(link)
She says I've lost too much weight. I'm anaemic. She wants to get me eating at the same time as the therapy.

[identity profile] breaksniceguys.livejournal.com 2012-04-11 04:33 am (UTC)(link)
It might not be such a bad thing if you have some stability in your life right now. Getting a boyfriend was an upheaval. Breaking up was a worse one.

[identity profile] justbeingaqueen.livejournal.com 2012-04-11 08:21 am (UTC)(link)
I told him I loved him. I may have pneumonia brewing because of it... it was worth it.

[identity profile] breaksniceguys.livejournal.com 2012-04-11 09:15 am (UTC)(link)
Oh sweetie... That's massive. But you're okay with having said it? You do really love him?

[identity profile] justbeingaqueen.livejournal.com 2012-04-11 09:28 am (UTC)(link)
More okay than I ever thought I could be. I need him. I realised that as soon as I lost him. It hurt. Worse than anything.

[identity profile] breaksniceguys.livejournal.com 2012-04-11 09:36 am (UTC)(link)
First time always does hurt, and I wish I could say this would be the only time, but relationships will always have ups and downs. They'll ache and make you cry, and they'll flourish and make you smile.

[identity profile] justbeingaqueen.livejournal.com 2012-04-11 09:42 am (UTC)(link)
I hurt him really badly. I said horrible things to him so he wouldn't want me back. I just couldn't stop thinking about him. I want him to be able to help me. I just... want him to hold me.

[identity profile] breaksniceguys.livejournal.com 2012-04-11 09:46 am (UTC)(link)
I'm sure he'll be there every moment he's allowed. He'd probably camp by your bedside if the nurses let him.

[identity profile] justbeingaqueen.livejournal.com 2012-04-11 09:52 am (UTC)(link)
He's driving me up there. He offered. He wants to stay with Nick's parents for a few days, even if I warned him they only have visiting hours for three hours a day.

[identity profile] breaksniceguys.livejournal.com 2012-04-11 09:59 am (UTC)(link)
He really is devoted, isn't he? Kurt, I... God, I can't even tell you how it makes me feel to know that you're in love. That he loves you too. I'm just sorry it's come at such a physical cost.

[identity profile] justbeingaqueen.livejournal.com 2012-04-11 10:09 am (UTC)(link)
He said it back. Not straight away, but he did. I don't know why he does, that's why I need help. He just took care of me, he didn't even need to be asked.

[identity profile] breaksniceguys.livejournal.com 2012-04-11 10:17 am (UTC)(link)
That really is something, Kurt. Not everyone can do that. It's even bigger than the puke test.
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