slidingmoments | "You've been struck by a smooth criminal."

Entry tags:

"You've been struck by a smooth criminal."

Who:

jewhawk
What: A fag hag's job is never done... until she gets pwned.
Where: Bayfront Park, Miami
When: Saturday lunchtime
Rating: Who knows?

Quinn needed a break from studying before she went crazy. She had her nose lodged in the books for days now working on a paper that she had zero interest in, and that always seemed to make it so much more harder to concentrate on. Fresh air was exactly what she needed, so she decided to take a run along the beach and then ended it by grabbing a coffee from a vendor and sitting down in the park to enjoy it. She was lost in her own little world, wondering if she should approach Kurt about his increasing issues again with his food, or if it was still in that realm he would get pissed off for the interference. Mercedes made them both a huge dinner the night before after they all had a busy and long week with work and college... and Kurt was in the bathroom purging the whole damn thing before either of them finished eating. He didn't even try to hide it. Then he locked himself in his room and told them to leave him alone. Quinn just worried this whole being pursued by a potential suitor was aggravating it. It was hard to tell.

It was just when she was scuffing his shoes back and forth beneath her that she was watching a couple of seagulls nearby and someone passed by that her line of sight just automatically followed because they cut her view of the birds. That was when she did a double-take and realised it was the guy from the Facebook pictures. This was Kurt's man! And Quinn, never backward in coming forward, jumped up off out of her seat and ran up to him as he walked up the path sending a text message. "Hi!" she greeted him with a smile and then stuck her hand out to him. "I'm Quinn. I'm Kurt's roomie. I hope you don't mind, I just recognised you from a picture he showed us. Blaine, right?"

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Blaine had been off in his own little world too, stuck in a random text message conversation with one of his stepbrothers about, of all things, Chinese food in China, while the rest of his brain was all-consumed with thoughts about Kurt and movie night they had arranged for that very night. Blaine was excited and he tummy butterflies like nothing else about spending time with Kurt again. At first he thought he just had a crush, but now after their first date, he was pretty sure there were a lot more feelings to it than that. He didn't know how he managed to get so lucky meeting a guy like Kurt. His head was still spinning with the whole thing, but boy did he want more.

Now, though, his eyes widened a little in surprise to find someone interrupting his reverie and she was suddenly holding her hand out to him and introducing herself. Quinn. Oh shit, another one of Kurt's fag hags! He sucked in a small gasp of breath and after gaping at her hand for a couple of passing moments, grabbed it and shook it. "Hey!" he said and forced himself to grin, even if he felt like he was about to pee his pants from being under close scrutiny. "Blaine... yes. Blaine Anderson. It's nice to meet you, Quinn. I've heard a lot about you." She was the fellow cheerleader, the one Puck had been asking about, and suddenly Blaine's brain kicked into overdrive. This could be interesting.

Quinn had to wonder if he was just being polite on that front. Kurt wasn't the sort to just sit there and spill out details of his friends this early into the piece. He would be too busy sussing Blaine out to waste time pausing to give the life stories of his hags. She did have to wonder how much he had said though, but she knew that would forever be an enigma. Kurt was choosing to play his cards very close to his chest with Blaine, which is what was telling her this could really be the real deal.

She smiled brightly at him and shook his hand. "Lovely to meet you too, honey. And likewise, though I'm sure you have gathered with Kurt now he's very discreet, so you have nothing to worry about. Hopefully the things you have heard about me haven't been too scary," she laughed. "Would you like to get a coffee or something? Unless you're headed somewhere?"

Blaine was curious about Kurt's life, but he didn't want to pry or get up in places he wasn't welcome. Quinn had come over to introduce herself, though, so he couldn't be rude. It was just the polite thing to do, and she really was very pretty. Blaine had to wonder why Puck hadn't hit that when he used to be such a slut... which told him that she probably gave the cop some serious GTFO vibes in school for him to not even try. He remembered Puck saying that she, along with Kurt, were the HBICs of McKinley.

He shook his head. "No, not heading anywhere important, really. Coffee would be great. Just... don't interrogate me too much," he joked with a laugh. "You're right, Kurt's very discreet and I really don't want to be putting any feet wrong. I already feel like he's just humouring me. I promise, my intentions to him are completely pure. He's just a really sweet and interesting guy, and totally hot to boot. He's sort of got me hooked," he explained sheepishly and gestured towards the coffee cart just up the path from where they were standing as he tucked his phone back into his pocket.

Quinn nodded eagerly and they fell into step together. Wow, he was absolutely adorable. He was short for a guy, and had these gorgeous darks curls that just wouldn't quit. Not to mention the way his big eyes sparkled, especially when he spoke about Kurt. Shit, she wanted to put him into her pocket and take him home to keep him. She also had to seriously fight the urge to tough his hair and ruffle those curls. They looked like they were just screaming to be mussed... but hopefully sometime in the near future that would be a task for their darling Gay Fabulous to get his hands on.

She held her hands up. "Promise. No interrogations... yet. I can't deny that I am curious about why you picked Kurt, though. I think there might be a slight thread that he's worried you just pity him because he slipped over. Our Kurt, he's sort of self-conscious a lot of the time. If he seems standoffish, don't take it personally. He's just guarded. I did need to thank you for helping him that day, though. The poor thing was in so much pain with his ankle, I don't know what would have happened if you didn't help him." There was no way she could imagine this guy living with Puck. It seemed too surreal for her to wrap her head around. She always imagined Puck to be a total slob and a pain in the ass to live with, but this guy was all neat and clean in all the right places, and he smelt lovely. No one Kurt had mentioned the cologne on more than one occasion.

"It wasn't really a matter of picking him, so to speak. It's not like he was at a gay bar and I went trawling or anything. That's really not my sort of thing. I've been to a few in my time, but it's really sort of too much flesh all over the place for my comfort. But anyway, I just was sort of in the right place at the right time. Maybe it was just kismet, I don't know. A couple of seconds later, and my cab would have gotten the green light and I wouldn't have seen a thing. And just to clarify, he didn't slip. Some asshole shoved him when he passed and Kurt lost his footing on the edge of one of those planters. He landed really heavily, but if I'm honest, I was already getting out when I saw the guy shove him. I just want to make sure he was okay... and I accidentally gave the cabbie a hundred dollar note in my rush," Blaine confessed sheepishly. "It doesn't matter, though. I'm just glad I could help him out. Then he was just really cute and sweet and I couldn't stop if he was okay after it all."

He gave her another sidelong glance, a plan formulating in his mind. Would it be so terrible if he tried to set her and Puck up? Puck needed a chick, and they knew each other from the past, and as far as Blaine was concerned, it would be so cool if they all double date with him and Kurt. Plus, she was hot and Puck liked hot chicks. In fact, Blaine was pretty sure he liked blondes. He wet his lips as they approached the coffee cart and just before he was about to order, he paused. "You know what? I might need to take a raincheck on the coffee. I don't feel so hot all of a sudden. I might need to head home and lie down."

He was speaking so freely about Kurt and Quinn could hear the affection in his tone. Not to mention the way his eyes crinkled in the corners and his nose scrunched up bashfully just a hint when he admitted Kurt was sweet and cute. Quinn's heart felt warm and she was excited on Kurt's behalf, because this guy seemed adorable. She was smitten herself and she had spent hardly any time with him.

In fact, she was listening to him so intently, that the abrupt change of direction in the conversation took her by surprise and she reflexively grabbed for his arm, worried he might be about to pass out or something. It came on really quickly! She peered at him in concern. "Are you okay, honey? Do you need to sit down?" She held her hand out of the vendor, quickly digging some change from her pocket from her earlier coffee. "Can you give me a bottle of water please? What is it, Blaine? Are you dizzy? Are you going to pass out?"

Uh oh. She was really concerned about him, and Blaine did have the decency to feel a niggle of guilt in his belly about that. But still, this was taking one for the BFF team, right? His heart was at least in the right place. He just never really thought too hard before he jumped feet-first into the grand gestures. He put his hand on his stomach just as he had a bottle of water shoved in his face, which he had no choice but to take. "Oh, it's nothing like that. Just a little off colour. Do you... think you could walk home with me? It's not that far. Just down the block and around the corner."

Inside, he was proverbially crossing all his fingers and toes hoping she would agree. The timing was about right. It was Puck's half-day at work and he would be home any minute now. Then Blaine could excuse himself discreetly to 'lie down' and the rest would be history! He looked at her imploringly and just for emphasis, held onto the rail of the coffee cart. He might might be going to hell, but it was a really good cause, okay?

Oh holy hell, those were some seriously intense puppy eyes she just got nabbed with and there was no way she could deny them. At all. In fact, it didn't even cross her mind to. She was just worried about him and now even moreso that he was holding onto the rail. She couldn't tell if he looked a little pale or not, but what did it matter with the eyes he was giving her? Plus, if he was feeling sick and she didn't help him home, Kurt would basically kill her and very painfully.

Quinn patted his arm with a concerned smile. "Of course I can. Are you okay to walk? We can get a cab. Screw them if they think one block isn't a big enough fare. I'll tell them how I feel if they pull anything," she vowed as they made their way to the exit of the park. She took the water off him and unscrewed the cap for him. "Here, just sip that. It came on really quickly. What did you eat for lunch? Some of these vendors around here are notorious for salmonella. Hmm, you don't feel warm. That's a good start," she commented as she rested her palm over his forehead. "Let's get a cab. I don't want you passing out on me and have to deliver the bad new to Kurt."

Blaine just nodded, pretty sure that if he spoke without forward planning, his voice would get all squeaky and she would be onto him. He was the worst liar and always gave himself away. He cleared his throat with a small shrug. "I'm sure it's nothing too serious. Nothing a nap will solve anyway. It's been a big week, I think it's catching up with me..."

They hailed a cab relatively quickly, and this time, Blaine wasn't going to make the error of handing over anymore cash than was absolutely vital. He just hoped that Puck wasn't going to get held up, because if he did then Quinn would probably just leave oblivious and Blaine had thrown away a perfectly good opportunity to chat with her for nothing. This was sort of extra apology about the condoms thing. What the hell was he doing, anyway? He had no right trying to set anyone else but because his own lovelife hadn't exactly been the most fruitful. But it was Puck, and Blaine would probably do anything for his BFF. He felt guilty crushing on Kurt when Puck had no one, and this would be a perfect solution. "This is it," he told the cabbie as they approached the apartment building where he share a place with Puck. He paid the fare and then got out, but without even thinking, he waltzed around to Quinn's side of the cab and opened the door for her.

Oh crap. That was maybe a little to prancy for someone who wasn't feeling well! And when she got out, he did his best to try and look pathetic all over again. "Oh wow, my head is starting to ache a little now. I hope I'm not coming down with something."

Quinn put her hand on his back and gave it a soft rub. Even when he was feeling poorly, he was still a complete gentleman. This one had to be a keeper and she planned on telling that to Kurt ASAP. "Come on, sweetie. Let's get you inside," she told him and led him up the steps into the apartment building. It was actually a really nice part of the neighbourhood and not that many blocks away from where she lived with Kurt and 'Cedes. That was going to be extremely convenient. It was very clean and neat and when they got inside, the foyer was cosy and comfortable. This was where Noah Puckerman lived? Seriously?

They road the elevator up, and Blaine had fallen mostly quiet by this point. He seemed preoccupied, probably anticipating curling up on his bed for that nap. He couldn't just dump him at the door of the apartment block... because she was 100% curious as to what their apartment was like and she was definitely going to nab this opportunity while it was in her face. She could see if he was neat like Kurt, or if he was just neat in person and a candidate for Hoarders in every other facet of his life.

Thank freaking hell Blaine had a tidy bug that morning. He cleaned up the mess that usually came from two guys living together, and especially on a weekend. So, they got messy sometimes but with his movie date with Kurt that night, he didn't want Kurt thinking he was a total slob so what started out as a little bit of cleaning up in anticipation of the date actually turned into an all-out cleanfest and the apartment looked brilliant.

He was just shrugging out of his jacket after he shoved his bag, wallet and keys onto the kitchen countertop (the apartment was open-planned, which, according to Puck, was the better option so you didn't have to miss anything on TV while you got more beer from the fridge) and was about to offer Quinn a drink when he heard the apartment door open in the distance followed by Puck calling out Blaine's name and asking if he was home. "In here!" he called back, hovering beside the kitchen counter as he waited for Puck to appear and tried to ignore the brief look of panic that appear on Quinn's face.

Puck was glad as fuck that he was off early today, and had been looking forward to coming home and trying to talk Blaine into going to catch some lunch somewhere and coming back to play Guitar Hero. He needed some time to just catch up and chill out, and he was really looking forward to a relaxing afternoon.

Walking into the apartment, Puck instantly peeled out of the button up shirt he'd changed into at the station before he'd come back home, leaving the white tank top underneath and kicking off his shoes and socks. Padding barefoot toward the sound of Blaine's voice, Puck was only half paying attention in the kitchen until he noticed someone who was most certainly not Blaine there. "Q... Quinn?" he said incredulously. "I... Hey! What brings you over to our bachelor pad?" Even as he spoke to Quinn, though, he was giving Blaine a, you could've warned me, dude look.

Blaine probably managed to look innocent and guilty all at the same time. He hovered for all of three seconds before he pointed to the door. "I just really need to go lie down. You never know what might happen if I don't. Really, really sorry to jump ship, but you two will be okay, right? Puck, why don't you offer Quinn a drink? She's been running... see? From her clothes? Right... lie down."

And then he ducked out of the room hastily, avoiding Puck's Look completely but smiling smugly to himself as he closed the door behind him and made a quick dash for his bedroom before anyone could cotton on to what he was up to.

Quinn watched Blaine go in concern, not at all thinking anything was awry. "I don't think he's very well. Do you think I should go sit with him or something? Kurt will seriously kill me if he needed more help and I didn't give it to him. Hang on, let me just text Kurt to let him know Blaine's sick. He'd want to know," she rambled, taking her iPhone with the pink rhinestone case. She quickly let Kurt know what happened and hit send, and then she was piercing Puck with an intent hazel gaze.

"Well, this is a little awkward..." she commented and cleared her throat. She pointed behind her with her thumb. "Did he say anything about feeling bad? I ran into him in the park and he was fine one minute, and then wanted to come home the next, and I think he looks a little peaky. Do you think he needs anything?"

Quinn may not have had any idea what Blaine was up to, but he and Puck had been best friends for so long that the guilty look on the other man's face was the first thing that Puck noticed. "He'll be fine," Puck assured her, just about to move toward the refrigerator when her eyes stopped him in his tracks.

"Just a little," he agreed, watching her for a moment before he finally snapped out of his daze and realized he looked like a big dork. "Can I get you a drink?" he asked finally. "It's... ah... It's been a while. It's really good to see you. B mentioned you were one of Kurt's fag hags... He's fine, though. He gets like this sometimes... But usually if he gets some rest, he's okay."

Edited 2012-02-06 04:21 (UTC)

Quinn looked him up and down for a moment, trying to figure out how she felt to suddenly be alone in Puck's presence. When she intercepted Blaine, this wasn't part of the plan. She wanted to try and analyse him, but instead, she had Puck. She spent many years analysing Puck and her results were never very interesting. Her hand came to rest on her hip as she decided what her next move should be. "Kurt's the most important person in my life, so make of that what you will. As sweet and adorable as Blaine is, I will peel his scrotum off and bury him in it if he hurts Kurt... and Kurt is very easy to hurt right now."

She scooped her hair into her fingers and flipped it back over her shoulder. "I hope he feels better or Kurt might start taking it as a sign of karma for their second date. I heard you were living with him. A drink would be lovely, thank you."

Puck was well aware that he was being watched, but he didn't know exactly why, or what was going on in the woman's mind. Her threat toward Blaine wasn't a joke, and Puck knew it full well from her tone of voice. "Well, I don't think you'll have to worry about that... B's a great guy, and he's looking for something serious. He doesn't want casual sex. He wants someone he can really connect with and be happy with... I keep hearing all this shit about Kurt being a challenge and easy to hurt and all that, but... Why? I mean... If I'm not asking too much."

"Yeah. I'm sure he'll be fine... He just needs a nap. Yeah, we've lived together since forever, it seems like. B's my best friend... That whole opposites attract thing, I think, but it worked out pretty well. What would you like to drink? I got soda, beer, water, milk, juice... Apple, orange, and cranberry. Whatever you want..."

"He'll be taking a lot on with Kurt. How do I know that whatever I tell you, you won't just run to Blaine and tell him everything?" Quinn challenged, though her voice was calm and collected. How much should she say about Kurt? She knew Puck was a cop, and she didn't want him trying to make deductions, and them ending up being false and leading Blaine up the garden path. Some information had to be given, she just had to figure out how much.

Her phone buzzed with Kurt's response, and it was expectedly concerned. She just flicked back a quick reassurance that he seemed fine. It wouldn't placate Kurt, though. She knew that. And she didn't want to give too much away, because really, the more that pair contacted each other directly the better. "Cranberry juice, and thanks. It's a nice place you have here. I can tell you live with a gay guy."

"Listen," Puck said honestly. "You just said that Kurt's the most important person in your life. Well, for me, that's Blaine. He was there for me through some really seriously tough shit, and I'm a lot better person that I was in the early part of high school because of him. I don't wanna get up in Kurt's personal business, but I do care about my boy, and I don't want him to end up in a bad situation without knowing things he needs to know. In saying that, though, I'm a police officer. And I understand that some information has to be kept confidential." Meeting Quinn's gaze, Puck held his hands out, palms up. "I'm not going to try to screw this up for Blaine. I want him to be happy, and he's crazy about Kurt already."

Puck poured a glass of cranberry juice for Quinn, and grabbed an apple juice for himself. "Thanks," he said, glancing around at the apartment. "I'm the dude version of a fag hag, and I'm not even slightly ashamed of it. He's a good roommate, too... Except when I piss him off and he gets creative revenge ideas." He laughed a little, offering no further explanation on that.

The look gave Puck was anything but impressed, and she scrunched her lips up and pulled them to the side just to stop herself automatically throwing abuse at him. It was tempting, because there was something about his tone that just rubbed her the wrong way, but it could just be because she was Noah Puckerman, knocker-up of Kurt's brother's girlfriends. Yeah, she was sure his tough shit was really on par with Kurt's... not. She leant back against the counter. "I'm not going to tell you. That sweet little flowery disclaimer at the start?" She shook her head. "I can't trust you not to tell Blaine things Kurt should be telling him himself, so no. Blaine's going to have to feel his way in this situation without his big scary cop body guard. I'm not sure I can trust you at all and Kurt's a sensitive situation."

She looked around a little again as she sipped her juice. She really just wanted to adore Blaine unconditionally, but Puck was such a touchy factor in the whole thing. He was an unknown quantity to the max after what he did to Finn and Quinn was just worried the whole situation would blow up in their faces. She was worried about Kurt, she couldn't help it.

Puck was pretty fucking good at reading people. It was kind of a requirement in his line of work, and he could almost feel Quinn sizing him up. He took a gulp of his juice before giving her a nod. "Okay," he said with a nod of acceptance. "He's your best friend... I get that. And if Blaine had any secrets, I don't think I'd tell you either. Look, I know you don't trust me... That's cool, you don't have to. But Blaine's a good guy. Like, better than any other dude I've ever known... He's... There's something that's still good and pure and innocent in him that you don't see in my line of work, and I just want my boy to be happy."

This was stupidly awkward, and Puck was going to kill Blaine later for pulling this. He'd told Blaine he thought Quinn was hot, and that certainly hadn't changed. But that didn't mean he wanted her in his living room trying to see inside his brain with her eyes... At least, that's what it felt like she was doing.

Quinn closed her eyes momentarily, wetting her lips through a soft sigh before she held up her hand. "I'm sorry. I apologise, it's just... we have all been through some extremely difficult periods with Kurt and it's made me super protective of him over the years. He doesn't let people close to him easily, so the fact he is letting Blaine is a learning curve for everyone. Blaine seems relentless, though, so I'm not sure Kurt has much choice. In saying that, it could be exactly what he needs, or on the other hand, it could compound it all further. I guess time will tell."

She glanced around again, tapping her fingertips softly on the side of the glass before she looked back to Puck. "Kurt's been sick. You can't tell Blaine. It's something Kurt needs to do himself."

"No... It's okay," Puck said, stopping her. "I understand being protective of your fag... I'm the same way with B. He's my best friend... we're more like brothers. I hope it's good for Kurt, cuz Blaine's crazy about him. I've never seen him like this. I really hope it's good for both of them in the end." He met Quinn's gaze. "Trust me, Quinn. The last thing I want is to do anything to screw this up for either of them."

Puck took a deep breath. This was going to be a hard thing to keep from his bro. He and Blaine didn't keep anything from each other, and Blaine would know that Puck was hiding something. But he'd keep it a secret for both their sakes. "Sick how?" he asked, watching Quinn's face. "He's not... like... dying, right?"

Quinn watched him intently, making sure he wasn't just giving her a bum-steer by talking up Blaine's assets so it might lead to getting him some booty. But he could see the genuine care there in Puck's eyes and even written all over his face. He and Blaine were extremely close friends, a small confused but awed frown briefly passed over her features. Had Noah Puckerman grown a heart? "Blaine doesn't seem like the sort of person I would have pegged you to be friends with," she confessed hesitantly and realised that where she was targeting him with old high school hangs up (without meaning to), he could be doing the same for her. She, too, had changed a lot since back then but she would never completely shed her bitchy streak.

She wet her lips. "I... feel like I'm betraying him here, but you really can't say. It's important he tells Blaine himself. "Kurt has... he's bulimic. He has been since high school, but he's on and off the wagon. He nearly died from it."

Puck paused, mulling her comment over. He wasn't exactly sure how to take it, and part of him wanted to tell her to fuck off, that clearly, she didn't know anything about him. But then again, how was she supposed to? They had never really been friends, and though he'd changed greatly after the birth of his daughter, it wasn't like Quinn would have a way to know that. "Well," he said finally. "Protective of anybody other than yourself isn't something I would've pegged you for either." His tone wasn't accusing, but honest. "But we all change, Quinn... Some for the better."

Dark eyes focused in on the woman's face as she spoke, and it hit him like a kick in the chest what she was saying. "Oh, fuck..." he said, shaking his head. "I... I won't say anything to B, but... Goddamn, that's bad, Quinn... How long has he been dealing with this? Is he more on the wagon right now, or off?"

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