slidingmoments | "You've been struck by a smooth criminal."

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"You've been struck by a smooth criminal."

Who:

jewhawk
What: A fag hag's job is never done... until she gets pwned.
Where: Bayfront Park, Miami
When: Saturday lunchtime
Rating: Who knows?

Quinn needed a break from studying before she went crazy. She had her nose lodged in the books for days now working on a paper that she had zero interest in, and that always seemed to make it so much more harder to concentrate on. Fresh air was exactly what she needed, so she decided to take a run along the beach and then ended it by grabbing a coffee from a vendor and sitting down in the park to enjoy it. She was lost in her own little world, wondering if she should approach Kurt about his increasing issues again with his food, or if it was still in that realm he would get pissed off for the interference. Mercedes made them both a huge dinner the night before after they all had a busy and long week with work and college... and Kurt was in the bathroom purging the whole damn thing before either of them finished eating. He didn't even try to hide it. Then he locked himself in his room and told them to leave him alone. Quinn just worried this whole being pursued by a potential suitor was aggravating it. It was hard to tell.

It was just when she was scuffing his shoes back and forth beneath her that she was watching a couple of seagulls nearby and someone passed by that her line of sight just automatically followed because they cut her view of the birds. That was when she did a double-take and realised it was the guy from the Facebook pictures. This was Kurt's man! And Quinn, never backward in coming forward, jumped up off out of her seat and ran up to him as he walked up the path sending a text message. "Hi!" she greeted him with a smile and then stuck her hand out to him. "I'm Quinn. I'm Kurt's roomie. I hope you don't mind, I just recognised you from a picture he showed us. Blaine, right?"

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"Yeah... I don't know about getting queer-eyed on that level. I'm clearly not rocking the metro look just yet, although with all the chicks that try to get into Blaine's pants, I may have missed the boat on my look." He grinned over at her with a little wink. "But I just don't think I could rock rolled up jeans and no socks like Blaine does." Puck gave a little nod then. "I hope he does, too. Blaine won't judge him. He didn't judge me for being an arrogant prick, so there's no way he'll judge Kurt for being ill. It's kind of adorable how crazy he is about him... In that whole, he's my bro way. Snuggies and Swayze are surprisingly good for almost any crap day."

Puck laughed out loud at that, his grin growing. "That... has to be the scariest apartment in the world for a week or two," he said jokingly. "Blaine's definitely like that. He loves to let loose and have fun with his friends. He's a happy guy, and he seriously loves making other people happy, too. I think it'll be good for both of them, honestly."

Quinn just laughed again, eyes shining in amusement. "Well, don't stand too close to him too long or you might come out douse in CK cologne and dressed in Armani with extremely white teeth and laser hair removal treatment. But Blaine is just so cute! He's tiny and adorable, and I want to put him in my pocket and take him home with me! Despite the fact I would tear his dick off and roll it in chilli and fry it for a shark's breakfast if he hurt Kurt, I am so proud of my boy for finding such a hottie. Whatever Blaine's style, he makes it work. The rolled up jeans are adorable and those big puppy eyes with those eyelashes could take anyone down. Kurt's not going to know what hit him. Why are all the adorable ones gay? I think it's just still going to be forever an enigma to me how he picked you for a BFF. It really is like he's a playful puppy who just decided he was keeping you, no questions asked," she said, unable to hide the smirk. "With a White Knight complex. I wish I could find my White Knight. He's got to be out there somewhere."

"You better believe it," she confirmed with a point and sipped her drink again. "Kurt's vicious when he wants to be. He totally has an acid tongue. He didn't stay Head Cheerio by having good hip action, he stayed because Sue thought he was the best thing since picking on Mr Schuester. He had the same bite she did and now they have dinner together whenever she comes to visit him in town, and he goes to every Nationals competition each year to help condition the squad. Except the year he was ill. He and Blaine are chalk and cheese. This is going to be amusing to watch play out."

"I'm just glad I had to shave my mohawk for my job, or I'm pretty sure I'd wake up in bed with Kurt having shaved it one night if he stayed over with Blaine or something. Hell, for that matter, B might've done it himself. He really is tiny... And pockets are his chosen mode of transportation." He winked before staring at her in amusement. "Damn. You don't play games with your fag, do you? Yeah, you're right... We're pretty much polar opposites, but that's pretty much how it went down. We met at Dalton, and he pulled me aside and we talked a little, and the next thing I knew, I had this little gay sidekick... He wouldn't go anywhere, and it didn't take very long for me to get used to him being there." He didn't say anything to the last part, if for no other reason than he really didn't know what to say.

"Do me a favor and warn Blaine before that time of the month comes?" he joked. "On second thought, don't... That's the one amusing thing about my bro having his own other half... But that's incredible. I didn't realize Kurt was still involved with the Cheerios. Blaine's definitely the complete opposite, but I think they'll be good for each other. And they'll sure as hell be fun to watch."

Quinn nodded emphatically. "No offense, but I always thought that just made you more of a loser. It was like you were trying to overcompensate for something. This looks much more clean cut and hot. It suits you better, a little responsibility and purpose. And nope. It's never a game when it comes to my beloved gay guy. He'll take a piece of my heart to the grave with him. I still couldn't tell you how we managed to go from blackmailing each other over coveted secrets to this, but I wouldn't change it. He made high school bearable for me and gave me the confidence to accept my Yale offer. Can I be honest? I thought you would end up in a shotgun wedding with Berry and you both be working at Taco Bell to pay the bills. It's nice to see I got that assumption wrong."

She snickered and pointed at him. "You're a little bit evil, you know that? How can you treat that adorable little person so harshly as to inflict a hormonal fag and his hags on him for a laugh? I can honestly say, though, that I doubt Kurt would focus his moods on Blaine. Unless Blaine deserved it. You piss Kurt off, you know about it like nothing else. But you hurt him? He'll shut down on you. He's been surprisingly open about Blaine, which is why we're all so surprised. Very, uh... open. I walked in on a compromising event, and even though it might lead to much silent treatment, I think it's a good thing. Totally hot too..."

He couldn't hide the smirk that spread over his face as Quinn praised his new, clean shaven look. Running his hand over the strip of his head where his mohawk used to be, he shrugged. "I couldn't keep the same damn haircut I had in high school forever, even though most of my high school years, I was pretty damn sure I would... Wait... Did you just say I look hot?" he asked, arching an eyebrow in question. "I mean, it's more professional, and they wouldn't have let me rock my hawk as a cop anyway. I really wanted to be a cop... protect people and stuff. Yeah, I get that. I'm the same with B. After what went down with me and Rachel, Blaine was the one who sort of stepped into my life at just the right time. I thought I'd never find my way again, and B was just there, bouncing around like an overexcited puppy and showing me that there was too much to live for to let my past tie me down." He grinned just a little at that with a shrug. "Yeah. A lot of people did. I think we're all glad that assumption was wrong."

"Yeah, I know. But if I weren't still a little evil, there'd be no Puck left in me at all," he teased, scratching at an itch on his bare shoulder... He seriously would've left his uniform on instead of shucking the shirt at the door and busting out a wifebeater like that if he'd known Quinn was going to be there. "Holy shit, are you saying he... You caught him jerking off?!"

"Credit where credit is due," Quinn said lightly with a shrug before she finished off her drink and set the glass down in front of her. "It is nice to have our police officers not looking like thugs themselves. And if I am totally honest here? I'm wondering how I never noticed you chilling with the Warblers. I guess it shows just how much my head really was up my ass in high school. Luckily, I'm not the only one who had that tendency. It was cutthroat, you did what you had to for survival. And really, I was pretty focused on Kurt. That time he re-joined Cheerios and I put him at the top, it was after I caught him sticking his fingers down his throat in the auditorium bathroom one day. So, I was basically watching out for him from day one, even if he was blackmailing me in return. When he passed out on stage during his solo at Nationals in Junior year? He hadn't eaten in, like three days. He was living on Vitamin Water to try and keep his weight below his minimum to look good in his outfit. He couldn't even see it was hanging off him. I just... wonder what things would have been like if Kurt and Blaine met each other sooner. He sounds like a good friend, though. One you definitely needed after you screwed Finn over."

She laughed, shaking her head. "Hey, at least save the evil for someone other than your bestie. You never know when you might need him to save your ass from certain death and you don't want to tempt him to just stand there and laugh vengefully at you." She pressed her lips together and gave a quick nod of confirmation. "You cannot tell Blaine! At all. But yes, I did. And I didn't even know Kurt did that. I mean, not like that... I'm sure he did for relief at some point. All guys need to."

"Well, that is kinda the point, I guess," Puck replied. "Gotta be sure the public has some confidence in their police force. I think we all had our heads up our asses back then, honestly. We were all looking out for ourselves, and we did some stupid things in the process. But it seems like in the long run, it's what helped us grow up, so I guess it can't be all bad, right? So basically, you two fell into fag hagdom by blackmailing each other with secrets? That's kinda... An interesting way to start a friendship. I remember that. Jesus Christ. We all freaked the fuck out. Blaine's the best friend I could ever have asked for. He's more than a friend. He's more like a brother. No matter how stupid I am at times, he's there. He listens, and never judges me... He's the best."

Puck grinned at her with a brief nod. "Okay, you're right there. Blaine would probably do that. And I'd be up the creek without a paddle." Glancing over at the blonde, Puck's jaw dropped. "Holy shit! I won't tell B, but damn, would it make his day... He'd probably lock himself in the bathroom for hours at that point. Damn."

Quinn quirked an eyebrow and laughed. "A lot of America wishes the police force would take a running jump into the nearest ocean, but I can see what you're saying. Someone needs to at least attempt to keep law and order, right? Are we ever going to see your face on a modern-take of Cops?" she asked in amusement. "Well, to be fair, we were both jug bitches and when you're both bitches, it's either fight each other or fight together against everyone else. We went from one to the other and it turned out he was the best friend anyone could ever had. Under the bitch exterior, Kurt is an amazing person, and what a lot of people don't notice is that he will only turn on you with the bitchclaws if you do bad by him. Until then, he gives you the benefit of the doubt. He might not necessarily give you the time of day, but he won't treat you badly. It's why he was against most of the glee club... just about all of them treated him like hell or judged him at one point or another. Or if you were Rachel Berry, tried to annihilate him or ostracise him because he was a threat to her. All the poor guy wanted was a damn solo and a chance to shine. Like we had a chance..." She glanced at him. "No offence. I know you two have a past."

She put her fingers over her lips, but she was still laughing behind them. "I would never tell Kurt this to his face, but I think a good, sweaty round of sex with someone he cared about would do him the world of good. Everything is always such a military operation with him. He plans everything. He just needs to let loose. It was nice to know the urges are there, but whether he does anything about it any time soon is an entirely different story. Or whether he will even let Blaine see him naked," she added wryly, pressing her lips together.

The smirk playing at his lips only grew and he nodded. "You have a point. It's even weirder when you're the one who used to be singing 'Fuck the Po-po' in your car and shit, and now you are the po-po, but you know how it is... Hey, the only way I'm gonna be on Cops is if they let me sing 'Bad Boys' every time I arrest somebody. It's gonna be in my contract." He let her explain and scratched at his lower lip with his teeth. "I guess that makes sense. Fight each other, or be stronger together. I really think I would've liked Kurt earlier on if I hadn't been such a dickhead back then. Yeah, Rachel and I have a past, and we're still friends, but I'll be the first to tell her she's selfish and unreasonable sometimes. A lot of the time, actually."

Puck couldn't help laughing out loud at that. "I think it'd do Blaine some good, too. Hell, there aren't many people in this world who couldn't do well by at least one good round... It's just the how and why and when that ends up being the problem. Blaine's a good guy... I know he won't push him or anything like that. It'll just take time."

Quinn just smirked and shook her head. "No, I don't know how it is, to be honest. I know I wasn't exactly an angel in my past, but I never brushed with the law. If I did, no one would have bailed me out. Especially not my beloved fag. He would have left me in there to teach me a lesson and so he didn't have to share breathing space with the unwashed," she laughed. "You never gave him a chance, you know. You judged him too hard when we were younger. So did it... so did everyone. It's no real wonder he's in the boat he is now. One thing about Kurt is, though, that he doesn't hold grudges. Not even against people who hurt him the most. If you apologise and make amends, he will give you a second chance. It's just whether the egos will let that, and I think your heart is in the right place now, especially considering the Blaine factor. Rachel Berry is... an extreme other story. She was never not selfish enough to think about anyone but herself. Ever. Also probably the one who affected Kurt's self-esteem the most, in favour of her own."

"He probably couldn't do it without a lengthy supply of sanitiser and moist towelettes..." she mused, really wondering how Kurt would take to sex when push came to shove. He didn't like being icky. It was saying a lot considering he made himself vomit regularly and even used laxatives for the same effect, but even after his purging, he cleaned up with almost industrial strength attention. No one would ever know in the wake of it what he had done, which was why he managed to hide it so well. Sex was another story, though. He had never done it, and sweatiness would be involved, no to mention the logistics of gay sex. She hoped to all hell he coped with it. He would surely have fun with it if he let himself, right? "Is it safe to assume with what you're saying that, even though Blaine won't push because he's a gentleman, that he is still really ready for it himself? Would he be okay waiting?"

"Well, there is that," Puck replied with a grin. "But once the whole thing happened with Rachel, and giving up the baby and all, it scared me straight. I knew if I kept pulling the same bullshit, I was gonna end up a miserable repeat offender of a criminal with four kids by four different mamas or something, and that wasn't what I wanted. It took Blaine, though, to really help me find my way, and he's a lot of the reason I'm a cop." He nodded his agreement to her. "You're not wrong about that. I was a dick. I thought being friends with a gay kid would ruin my rep or something. I didn't understand it, and it scared me. It's a long way from there to being a gay dude's roommate and dude-hag, or whatever. But I'd really like to talk to Kurt and tell him that I'm sorry."

Puck snorted at that, picturing Kurt with a bottle of santizer wanting to clean Blaine up before they got to the sex. "Yeah, I think so. I mean, Blaine's ready, I think, but only with someone special to him... Someone like Kurt. He's fooled around a little in the past, but he never wanted to go all the way til he found the right guy. It's pretty damn respectable if you ask me. I didn't wait for the right person. Hell, if I had, I might still be a virgin, but B's a hopeless romantic. It's really special to him. But I think he'd be okay waiting. He cares about Kurt so much already... He's not gonna wanna hurt him or push him before he's ready."

Quinn shifted just a little in her seat, feeling awkward when the subject of his illegitimate kid with Rachel came up. She had wondered many times if she could ever have found herself in that predicament in school, and she realised in the right (or wrong) circumstances and without Kurt to distract her, she probably seriously could have. She had just as many insecurities as the next cheerleader and she might well have slept with a guy to boost her ego. Thank god she didn't. Kurt would have disowned her, for sure. Or they never would have been close friends in the first place. "I'm glad you found your way, Puck. It's extremely admirable for you to admit your wrongs, and especially to admit you needed your friends to see the light. It shows how huge the friendship is."

She narrowed her eyes just a little, head tilting with uncertain curiosity. "Wait. Are you saying Blaine's... a virgin? Are you serious?!" Okay, so she knew Kurt was and she knew why, but at their age, she thought he was sort of a unicorn with his values and insecurities to not have had sex by that point. Was it seriously possibly he had accidentally (and literally) stumbled upon a guy in the same boat? That there might actually be a chance he could share his first time with someone just as untouched as him, so to speak? That was unheard of, and she was trying not to get her hopes up too much. Kurt might cope a lot better if he didn't think he had to compete with a string of guys from his boyfriend's past.

Puck picked up pretty quickly on the awkward vibe from Quinn, and tried to think of a way to turn the conversation to something less uncomfortable. But that was when Quinn randomly complimented him. He hadn't been expecting it, but it meant a hell of a lot, especially coming from her. Her disdain for him in school had been apparent, but right now, here she was, giving him a very meaningful comment, and honestly? He was legitimately touched. "Thanks, Q," he replied with a grateful smile. "Blaine really was the one who had the guts to stand up to me when I was being a douche and push me to be better... I owe him big time."

He paused, turning an arched eyebrow to her. "Well, I don't think he's keeping it a super big secret or anything... Yeah, he's still holding his v-card for the right guy. I never really got that concept, but I admire the hell out of him for it. I can't even remember being a virgin. B's pretty innocent in the grand scheme. I mean, he's read stuff, and done some fooling around, but he's still a virgin, and it's something that's important to him." When Puck had found out Blaine was a virgin back in school, he'd been absolutely shocked, but for all his surprise, he'd always been impressed by it. "Never thought I'd be BFFs with a virgin, huh?" he joked.

Quinn nodded in understanding. "I understand that. And I'm not just saying that to make conversation. I really do understand, because it was the same for me with Kurt. He was... so like me deep down, yet so not like me at the same time, if that makes any sense. We were both bitches, and both searching for a place to belong, but Kurt was a way better person than me. I was selfish and self-focused, and he wasn't. At all. He made all the right noises, and put up these unbelievable masks that put out this persona everyone believed, but he's the least selfish person I know and he showed me how to look at the world in a different way. I can never repay him for that."

"No, no... I didn't mean that. I mean, Kurt's a virgin too," she revealed with a small shrug. "He's not exactly keeping that a secret either, he just is too modest to have it be a topic of conversation. No guy has gotten close enough to him, which is why I say Blaine is going to have his work cut out for him. It's not something I personally understand, but I respect it. I haven't been a virgin in a very long time. But I have, um, only been with one guy. Just one," she said, holding up one finger and giving it a wiggle.

"Definitely," Puck agreed, understanding exactly where she was coming from. "B's always been this amazing guy with a lot of convictions and a really strong sense of right and wrong. He doesn't compromise when it comes to his values, and that was something I never understood until I saw it in him. He knows what's important to him, and he doesn't let other people change him. I was in a dark place when I met him, but he's one of those people who brings light with him, if that makes sense."

"I know, I'm kidding," Puck said with a nod. "Blaine was all worried when he first met Kurt that Kurt had been with more other guys and Blaine would disappoint him with his lack of sex skills or something," he added, remembering that conversation with a small smile. He tilted his head to one side as she told him she'd only been with one guy, and wondered what exactly his response to that was supposed to be. That's nice, or Congrats on not being a slut like me both kind of sounded rude, so he didn't say anything for a moment. "Yeah... Not so much with me... I mean, I've never been with a guy, but you know what I meant."

Quinn listened closely, feeling somewhat relieved inside that it was a decent guy pursuing Kurt. He deserved it. He deserved the whole package of a boyfriend who cared about the finer things in life so many guys just ignored in this day and age. Convictions of right and wrong were right up on top of that list, without a doubt. "Values seem to manage to get so... skewed these days. It's like not enough people have them or something. Then when you do, you're weird or something. I don't know. It took me a long time to learn that I deserved to have my own, and not just preach someone else's," she said wryly. "He does sound a lot like Kurt in that sense, though. They're very similar in what they believe in, and I think that's why Blaine seems so sweet. He's genuine. It's not an act. Kurt's had enough people bullshitting him and shoving his face in the dirt for their own gain. He doesn't need that anymore."

"He doesn't have anything to worry about. At least, not on that front. He'll have his work cut out getting naked between the sheets with Kurt, let alone concerns about his performance..." She trailed off a little, feeling awkward with the way his pause lingered and that head tilt she didn't quite know the meaning of. "Sorry, just, uh... making conversation, seeing as we're talking about the boys. I should really go. It's been nice, but it's getting a little late. Take care of Blaine, yeah? Kurt will probably interrogate me about that." She pushed up from the table with a smile.

"To be honest, I think Blaine's the reason I have values myself. He never once tried to tell me what my values should be, but he's kind of the person who made me realize how important it was to have something you'll stand for. I've got a pretty strong set of values of my own, now, but it's because he helped me realize that it was worth it. But I think it's good... I mean, you're clearly not always going to agree with your other half, but if the hard fast values that are most important to you don't stand? That's where you have to say, 'This isn't gonna work.'" He could understand her feelings on that issue, and he nodded to her. "Definitely. Nobody deserves that."

Puck hadn't meant to make her feel awkward, and he gave her a smile and a nod. "No, it's cool. I understand. No worries. I'll keep an eye on him," he promised as she stood up. After just a moment's pause, he stood up, too, and gave her a brief, if awkward, hug. "It was... um... It was really nice to see you, Quinn. Hopefully, we'll see each other around."

"Which is why his friendship with you is priceless to you." Quinn tapped the side of her nose and gave him a wink. "See, I do listen. My head isn't half as far up my ass these days as it used to be. And I can honestly and wholeheartedly vouch that it takes a damn lot of balls to say that something isn't working so you don't lose everything it meant to you."

Her eyes fell closed briefly in the hug and she patted his back softly. "I don't doubt we will, hon. I'm not sure it's going to be a smooth road, but seriously, my life wouldn't be my life if Kurt Hummel wasn't keeping me on my toes in some form or another," she laughed and rubbed his arm as she stepped back. "Catch you soon." And with another small wave, fighting the urge to check in on Blaine, she left with a hope Kurt wouldn't kill her when he found out she interrogated his beau.

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"You've been struck by a smooth criminal."

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