"This time I think I'm to blame. It's harder to get through the days. You get older and blame turns

[dontrainonmyparade]

Who: Rachel Berry and Kurt Hummel
What: Unexpected facing of music
Where: Kurt, Quinn and Mercedes apartment
When: A few days after THIS and resulting from THIS

Rachel couldn't deny that she was nervous. In fact, she was so nervous, she felt like she was just going to throw up all the time in anticipation of this conversation. Blaine was back in Miami, and although he was staying with Kurt for the couple of days they were here, she needed to seize this window of opportunity she had to try and make amends with one of her closest friends before she lost him. In fact, it was why she didn't text him in advance to warn him she was coming, in case he didn't want to talk to her. She had been a mess lately, she didn't think she could add that one more rejection on the top of everything. She just had to take Robin Williams sound advice, and seize the day. Carpe diem! She had even watched Dead Poets Society three times last night after seeing Blaine's Facebook post to try and pluck up more courage for this.

This apartment block didn't have buzzers. Each place had their own knocker or bell, so that did help. She rang the doorbell and stood back, fiddling anxiously with the leather strap of her handbag over her shoulder. She didn't know what she was going to do if Blaine told her to piss off. It really could be the end of everything.

Comments

[justbeingaqueen]

"You're never going to find that connection with anyone, Rachel, if you keep sabotaging yourself. Trust me, I know. I also know it's a really hard lesson to know how to open yourself up to someone and let them in, but until you do, all you're going to project is a negative vibe about yourself. So, sure, you have done some some nasty and awful things in the past. You've hurt people. It just sounds to me like your comfort zone is being alone because you're afraid of what will happen if you try to get what you want and it doesn't work." With his fingers entwined together, Kurt put his hands on his chest for emphasis. "And I know that concept better than anyone right now. I know what it's like to constantly live in fear of yourself. You don't want to get like I am, Rachel. You just don't. You can be happy if you want it, but you can't be scared of it. And that takes a lot to learn, and sometimes? Sometimes you need to let someone else help teach you how to get it. That's Blaine for me. He came into my life at a time I least expected it and he was opening my eyes up to a whole new world and what I started to see within myself terrified me because I had never experienced those feelings before. I think you have experienced those feelings, and I think that it didn't turn out the way you hoped, so it spooked you and now you have never figured out how to lay your heart on the line again. You're scared if you do, it will get shattered all over again..."

He shook his head slowly. "No one ever gets used to loneliness. We accept it, but we never get used to it. Hell, I've had people around me for many years now, but I was still lonely within myself. The loneliness you're talking about isn't physical distance from people, it's emotional distance. But only you can fix that. Running away won't help. It's just going to create even more distance. You can't keep letting your emotions cause you to lash out at people, or you will be left with no one. Rachel... you need to talk to Puck, and I think you know why. Really talk to him, and make him talk to you."