The shock, the hesitation... Kurt's mind immediately absorbed it and mashed it up to spit it out the other side of his brain as disgust, regret, second-thoughts. As quickly as these few moments were passing, it was enough for Kurt to think Blaine was absolutely horrified by the pieces of the puzzle he was putting into place and Kurt felt like he was standing in the edge of a cliff and about to be shoved off. Shit, he had come to care deeply about Blaine, and maybe even more. He had wanted to tell him so many times, and so many times it had been on the tip of his tongue to reveal the whole thing so he didn't have the burden of carrying it around with him. Quinn, Mercedes, Holly... they had all practically begged him to tell Blaine that he was sick, and Kurt knew he was sick. That was the hard part.
But he didn't want Blaine thinking he was a mental case. He didn't want Blaine to realise what a terrible burden he had taken on with all this, and that everything he believed Kurt to be was just a farce. He was really an ugly, fat, boring, waste of space, and it was only a matter of time before Blaine discovered that. And now was that time. Then to top all of that off, he was absolutely mortified at not just nearly being caught in the act, but Blaine discovering the laxatives. Blaine was far from stupid, Kurt had come to learn that. He might seem innocent about some things and wore his heart on his sleeve, but he wasn't stupid and now that he just a few small signs to work with, he was connecting all the dots very rapidly.
Kurt snatched his jacket roughly out of Blaine's grip and pulled it on, wrapping it tightly around himself like a shield. "What do you want me to say?" he sneered. "It's not my fault you were too stupid to realise how fucked in the head I am. I warned you. I warned you over and over again, but you just wouldn't let up! Well, I don't want this! I don't want you in my face or my business! I know what you really think about me anyway! Everyone thinks it! I tried to make this work, but it's not! You're too intense for me and you're not my type. I don't need you! I don't need anyone! It's over! I never even wanted you to start with, I just agreed to get you the hell out of my face!" So, apparently the best way he felt to deal with his boyfriend finding out his deepest secret was to completely kick him in the nuts. But that didn't matter, because Blaine would be way better without him anyway. As much as it killed like all fuck to lose Blaine just when he was feeling like he was maybe falling in love with him, this had to be done for Blaine's sake.
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But he didn't want Blaine thinking he was a mental case. He didn't want Blaine to realise what a terrible burden he had taken on with all this, and that everything he believed Kurt to be was just a farce. He was really an ugly, fat, boring, waste of space, and it was only a matter of time before Blaine discovered that. And now was that time. Then to top all of that off, he was absolutely mortified at not just nearly being caught in the act, but Blaine discovering the laxatives. Blaine was far from stupid, Kurt had come to learn that. He might seem innocent about some things and wore his heart on his sleeve, but he wasn't stupid and now that he just a few small signs to work with, he was connecting all the dots very rapidly.
Kurt snatched his jacket roughly out of Blaine's grip and pulled it on, wrapping it tightly around himself like a shield. "What do you want me to say?" he sneered. "It's not my fault you were too stupid to realise how fucked in the head I am. I warned you. I warned you over and over again, but you just wouldn't let up! Well, I don't want this! I don't want you in my face or my business! I know what you really think about me anyway! Everyone thinks it! I tried to make this work, but it's not! You're too intense for me and you're not my type. I don't need you! I don't need anyone! It's over! I never even wanted you to start with, I just agreed to get you the hell out of my face!" So, apparently the best way he felt to deal with his boyfriend finding out his deepest secret was to completely kick him in the nuts. But that didn't matter, because Blaine would be way better without him anyway. As much as it killed like all fuck to lose Blaine just when he was feeling like he was maybe falling in love with him, this had to be done for Blaine's sake.