slidingmoments | You can't use a half-loop stitch on china silk, it will pucker.

"Sorry" Rachel said, "I wasn't expecting to run into another person from high school in such a short time frame."

She watched as Mercedes started to walk away before going after her. "Mercedes, I'm sorry." Up until this point in time Rachel wasn't quite sure how she and Mercedes stood beyond mutual dislike for each other. All she did know was that her future lunch breaks would be spent getting lunch and not shopping. "I really, really am." Apologies and Rachel Berry rarely went together unless it involved Blaine and the odd apology to Puck.

Oh, how easy it would be to go all diva up in Rachel Berry's business and tell her exactly what she thought of the attitude, but she isolated it to a long-suffering roll of her eyes before she looked back at the ex-Glee rival. "You mighta been queen bee in school, Miss Thang, but that don't mean you can get around years down the track and expect to still hold that crown with people who have done a hell of a lot of growing up since the stupid rivalries of McKinley High." She gave a wave of her finger for emphasis, her other hand on her hip as she at least made her opinion known.

"But I accept your apology, even if I ain't got a hope in hell of knowing how genuine it is," she soon added and eyed Rachel carefully. "I live here. I have for years. I came here with... friends after school, got into the community college here. Performing professionally turned out to be empty hopes. But we all had to grow up sometime and see that the light at the end of the tunnel wasn't our name illuminated over Hollywood Bowl."

Rachel opened her mouth to cut her off but let her continue, figuring this was probably a long time coming. "I wasn't trying to be but you're right." she let out a puff of breath, not willing to perpetuate it any further.

"Understandable, are you just going to school or are you working as well? The only performing here is usually night club for drunk twenty-somethings to get into a huge mess with, but that's beside the point. I came here by myself but ended up running into Noah and his roommate Blaine."

Mercedes gave a small flick of her head and a long-suffering look was planted on Rachel. "Well, maybe that right there is reason to pause before you react. You always wanted to think people were failin' around you so you could climb to the top, well there's a lot of room at the top. Sharing never hurt anyone. A lotta time has passed since we saw each other and you can't be making no assumptions about how anyone is anymore. A lotta us are existing in this place together now, you know."

"I'm done with school. I'm a Pediatrics Nurse now at Jackson Memorial. Turns out I got a lot more satisfaction outta helping others than I did trying to just help myself. That could be something you try sometime." She raised her eyebrows a little. "I spoke to Puck recently. Heard he's doing well for himself. You two dating?"

"You're right, I need to take the time to think before I speak, or at least practice it more often." she held up her hands defensively. "I've noticed a lot of us are living here now, it's a small world."

"That sounds fun, I take it you're enjoying it then. I'm usually working but we do have a charity we donate to where I work." Rachel shook her head in disgust "Ew God no. We're friends...or something. Whatever we are it's non-romantic. The romantic thing never worked out, thank God."

Mercedes gave a brief shrug of her shoulder. "You always did struggle to put others' feelings ahead of your own. I don't know if that's still a bad habit of yours, but it always seemed to be an impossible one for you to shake. Even after you got yourself in trouble and probably could've used all the friends in the world, you gave us the flick because you were selfish and couldn't share. Here's hoping you have grown outta that on some level or it could be a lonely life you got. And yeah, a lot of us are here. Even more now Mike and Quinn have come here for med school and law school respectively. Outta New Directions, I think we got them, Kurt, Finn, Puck. Then there's Nick and Jeff from the Warblers with Blaine. Kurt was the one who got into college here first, we just all followed."

"I do like it. Once you get outta the McKinley box to think outside of it, a whole new world starts to open up for you. Ain't any of us really went into performing as loud as we declared we would back in school. We all do hang at a local Karaoke bar a lot, though. At least once every few weeks. It's like a tradition, can't ever really shake music from a person. So are you married? Kids?" she asked.

"It's a work in progress, I'm getting better, or at least I hope I am." she replied "Noah and Blaine haven't really given me much as to if I was or not." Rachel chewed on her bottom lip as Mercedes listed off who all was in Miami. "Knew about Noah, met Blaine through him. Heard rumors that Kurt was here and then I know Blaine has mentioned Nick and Jeff. Didn't know Finn was here though." Rachel shrugged "Shows how much I've really kept in touch with people post high school though."

"That's always good. I am surprised to hear that you haven't though, I would have thought you would go on to do something." Rachel shook her head at the other woman's questions. "No, my job doesn't exactly prevent it from happening, but it doesn't make maintaining a relationship easy, let alone marriage and children. No kids, no husband. Just me, myself and I."

Mercedes gave a succinct nod. "Kurt was here right outta McKinley. He came here to get away from Ohio. He ain't a fan of the sun or the beach, but he seems to have found some place to belong. We just all followed him really. Ain't like some of us weren't gagging for a seachange after the shallow minds of Ohio. I used to date Jeff, so it's nice having him around, and Mike Chang is Nick's room mate. Finn followed Kurt, which Carole was glad of 'cause he wasn't exactly willing to follow a straight and narrow path, so to speak. He's doing well, just probably not in the way anyone expected. Maybe that fact alone shows how much you need to... give a little."

"I am doing something," she clarified pointedly. "Just 'cause someone ain't prancing around on a stage doesn't mean they ain't doing something. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm getting more worth outta my life now than I ever could getting my name in lights to only know I wasn't gonna stay in the spotlight forever. No performer ever does. I'm helping sick kids now and it's more rewarding than any time I stepped up to a microphone. I guess your job must be hell rewarding if you can give up other of life's gifts to maintain it. Not that I can talk, 'cause I ain't married or nothing, either, but a fag hag's job can sometimes be up there with mothering as to demands."

Rachel clicked her tongue "I think everyone wanted out of Ohio, or out of Lima at least. Granted, I lazed around a bit when I got offered an...opportunity that brought me here and I just never left. Not that I'm complaining, it's a worthwhile change. You're probably right, on that though, giving something."

"You're more hands on that way, life changing is life changing no matter how it's done though." Rachel shook her head "It's not, my administrative assistant skills are still being developed as the days go on, but it pays the rent. I'm not looking either, so it works out I suppose."

"Location ain't a life though," Mercedes pointed out. "Miami's a gorgeous backdrop, but that doesn't mean what you're doing here is anymore worthwhile than what was going down in Ohio. Just better water views. Do you even know what it entails to give anyone anything? Or did you just think everyone had to give it to you?"

She watched a few people in the passing mall crowd for a moment. "Well, a dear friend of mine had a bad time with illness and it woke me up to a hell of a lot of things going on in my life, and my friends' lives. Something along the lines of just 'cause they look like they're okay, doesn't mean they really are. Doesn't mean they don't really need help. At the end of the day, we always need help from our friends, even if it's superficial help. Administrative Assistant? That's the big career that's stopping you seeking bigger things outta life...? Okay then... So, what you're saying is you're sitting there doing very little and too lazy to get up and find anything better from life, on any level. Whatever floats your boat, girl. Just didn't peg you as that sort."

"Let's just not into that" she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "I know what it entails, I'm not completely stupid."

"The Beatles put it best, 'I get by with a little help from my friends'. Well, that and working towards a business degree, starting somewhere in the bottom gives that real world experience when getting everything started. I have the time to go out and find romance or whatever, I'm just focusing on the career part first."

Mercedes just snorted in amusement and shook her head. "When the going gets tough, Rachel Berry gets going. You don't like hearing concrit about yourself, do you? Some things never change."

"So, what happened to Broadway? We all had to sit in Glee day in, day out and listen to you prattle on about how you were so amazing and destined for the stage. I think it's only fair you let me in on why none of that all went down. It sucked up a huge chunk of our lives too, you know," she said dryly. She was willing to give Rachel the benefit of the doubt, but this was a two-way street. She had been obnoxiously in everyone's faces about her apparent now-wasted talents like a broken record.

"I'm flawed, I just don't like to be reminded of it." she responded "I admit that much and that I do stupid things, granted, the only people that give me criticism are Noah and Blaine."

She remained silent for a moment, eying Mercedes carefully. She didn't really have much to lose if Mercedes decided to spread it around her circle of friends that Rachel wasn't doing what she had boasted about doing. "Honestly, even after graduating I didn't have the..." she paused, choosing her words carefully "It didn't feel right? I don't know how to explain it. I went for local stuff in Ohio but didn't get cast which was whatever, Ohio isn't exactly the most cultured of places anyway. At one of the auditions this producer saw me and offered me a job and place to stay down here for a few months. Once that ended I decided to stay here and got a job and...yeah. That's about it." she finished offhandedly.

"We all need a lil criticism sometimes. It's whether we listen and what we do with it that makes the difference. If it's all just water off a duck's back, girl, how you ever gonna learn anything? It's the people who love you the most that'll deal the heaviest blows, but they're usually the one's who know us the best to have valid points we should be listening to," Mercedes reasoned with a nod. Many a time she had learnt from things Kurt passively (or not, in some cases) gave her a few home truths. She was a better person for it these days that she was back in school when it was all about thinking of how hard done by she was rather than just stepping up and working for what she needed.

She tilted her head a little. "So, maybe it wouldn't have been such a big deal if you let some of the rest of us have the spotlight in school now and again, right? Sounds like you've isolated yourself from a hell of a lot, though. Don't you regret that?"

"Sometimes more than others." she nodded in agreement "We wouldn't be anywhere without those people to point it out either." Rachel had been on the receiving end of a few harsh niceties from both Puck and Blaine, and while she appreciated it and took it to heart, she didn't always act upon it, earning plenty of 'I told you so's' from them.

She paused before giving a tiny nod, "At the time it was a big deal, but now in retrospect I probably could have played nice. 'Forget regret, or life is yours to miss', currently a life without regrets is what I'm working on, so no, I don't regret isolating myself."

"At least it also goes both ways. They're usually the first to tell you that you're doing a great job on something or that they're proud of you when no else notices. Sometimes it's nice to just pause and appreciate the people 'round you a little. Tell them how much they mean to you... even show them, if you can," Mercedes responded. "Hell, for awhile there in my life, I felt so low and like I didn't mean nothing to anyone, but my darling gay guy was there to tell me I was beautiful and worth it, and his opinion to me was worth a billion random guys who only want one thing of me."

She raised her eyebrows. "You coulda played with the team," she corrected. "Ain't none of us ever cared to be patronised by you, girl. You had yourself so far up on a pedestal, we just all gave up trying to bother with you after awhile. Not through lack of trying though, I might add. People just don't lie getting kicked in the teeth when they're trying to make an effort. Makes you wanna not make an effort even more. And if you wanna play it isolated, fair enough. Whatever does it for you. Personally, I prefer people 'round me. They remind me I have something to keep working for."

"Very true, they remain friends with you for a reason. Even the smallest gesture works, I know." she chewed on her bottom lip and nodded "Friends see your value and their opinion always matters more than you realize in the long run."

"I could have, I should have but I didn't. It's in the past now, if you all hold it against me, I completely understand." She shrugged "I discovered that I could do without surrounding myself with too many people, tempers flare and shit goes downhill from there. The ones I have do that for me though."

"Friends are priceless. You can't buy friendship, and you start being a jerk, you got someone there to tell you to pull your head in. That alone is worth a million random acquaintances," Mercedes said knowingly.

She was shrugging again, shaking her head. "Girl, I've got too much on my own adult plate to be worrying out what was on my teenage one. I ain't got the time or energy to be holding nothing against you. But then, you didn't screw me over as much as you did others, so I can't talk for them. All my friends have always had their own very passionate opinions on things. A few apologies might not go astray though, or a lil recognition that you did railroad a lot of people for your own gain. It's amazing how showing a lil remorse or apology to someone will go a long way. Only if it's genuine and not just coming 'cause someone like me told you to. That's when it just gets even more patronising. Y'all not surrounding yourself with people because you don't wanna deal with no conflict... Okay then. Still sounds like a lonely life."

"Completely. I'd be lost without mine, or so I assume I would, I don't want to find out." she agreed

"This isn't anything new but, apologies and I don't exactly see eye-to-eye, so when I do apologize it's absolutely sincere, despite however the recipient feels about it. So even if I don't apologize now, it will probably happen in the long run. I'm a terrible person, I know. Well, live with conflict 24/7 for a few months and you'll understand. Lovely people one-on-one but get them together and you wish you could commit mass murder." Rachel shook her head "A whole different story behind that, but that's beside the point."

"I hope it all keeps going smoothly for you then, girl. If you're in the same boat as me and you ain't got a lover to cuddle up to at night, sometimes you gotta turn to your friends to give you that same companionship," Mercedes murmured. Not that she could deny to herself that she really would love someone to cuddle up to at night... at least seeing Kurt find that was the next best thing for her.

She shrugged. "You're talking in the very extreme, though. You live with it for a few months, and suddenly you think you can avoid it altogether forever so you cut yourself off from... being happy? Makes no sense when life can be a hell of a long time for some of us. But if you wanna just be half-satisfied and without conflict, looks like you're at least on the right track, I guess."

"Friends or a pillow is what I'm using at the moment." she sighed, flipping her hair off of her shoulder. While she couldn't blame either of her friends for how they've spent some nights, she had fully expected to be somewhat in something stable.

"Not all together, in small doses I would say it's fine. I think that's why right now I'm happier living alone for now. Who knows down the line." Rachel paused "Being an only child is part of that."

"Well, I hear that unless you get some who sleeps like they're folded up in a neat little bow, sharing a bed can be overrated in some circumstances..." Mercedes knew she was scraping the bottom of the barrel now. As far as she was concerned, she would love a warm body to cuddle up to at night, and maybe a little more of something-something on the regular, but it just wasn't happening for her right now. As full as Miami was of hot bodies, it was also full of shallow-minded twits she really didn't want to waste her time with. And all the good guys were gay, it seemed. "I mean, stealing the covers? Total turn-off, right?"

Interesting theory to say the least. "I always thought being an only looked lonely. Then I saw Kurt and Finn clash when they had to learn to be brothers and I wondered if being an only was a safer bet. Now, though, they're closer than ever, so I guess it's just what you get used to."

"Fact. It gets lonely sometimes.." Actually a lot but she wouldn't admit that "Completely, especially if they didn't want any in the first place." she agreed "Boys, well, men are sucks right now anyway so it's not like I can really complain."

"It is but you get used to it and learn to cope." she shrugged "It looks that way, I wouldn't mind one, but only if my dads did the surrogacy thing again, I can't imagine having to let a complete stranger who is my age into my family as a sibling."

"You got room mates or anything? I got two and whilst it's an extreme battle for the bathroom sometimes, it's like having a ready-made family there for the good times and bad. Makes a huge difference. Luckily, too, they ain't the kind to leave the toilet seat up," Mercedes joked.

She gave a nod. "I hear Blaine did it too, but I dunno all the details. Kurt mentioned something 'bout him having twin stepbrothers and one of them was a Warbler. I guess getting used to two siblings would be a whole lot more intense than just one. Especially if you had nothing in common with them. In saying that, Kurt and Finn did fine after Finn stop being a douchebag hung up on Kurt's sexuality. Kurt said he never had a problem being an only, but it was nice getting a brother."

Rachel shook her head "No, I live by myself for the time being. I've debated on getting one before and decided against it just for the fact of lifestyle differences."

"Yeah, Jeremy and Sebastian, I've only met them a couple of times. The twins are polar opposites at times, so that's definitely part of it. I think Kurt's sexuality was only a minor detail in Finn's douchebag life, he had more things to douche about."

"You knew your room mate before you wanted to live with them so you knew their lifestyle, or you just wrote everyone off prematurely?" Mercedes asked.

She tucked her hair back from her face. "I only remember Sebastian from being a douchebag in the Warblers a few times we were up against them. Gotta give twins kudos for being polar opposites, though. It can't be easy when you're kids and everyone wants to treat you as one. Yeah, you're hellishly right about that..." She trailed off, knowing a lot of Finn's douchbaggery was because of this chick standing in front of her. She wouldn't labour the point or anything, but she had to wonder if Rachel knew or care how much she hurt him with what she did. Finn had never been the same Finn since all that, even if he was still a sweetheart. Just a very rough-around-the-edges one now.

"Knew beforehand. I lived with Noah and Blaine for a bit and that was fine, but once I got my own place the only person I thought about as a roommate and I clashed living habits wise."

"Especially when you're identical." Rachel gave a tiny nod before letting out a slow puff of air. "Could always be worse though, you know? she asked before glancing at her watch. "Oops." she gave a slight laugh "I was supposed to be back at work ten minutes ago. It's not like he can't get along without me."

Edited 2012-04-10 09:09 (UTC)

Mercedes had to laugh a bit at this. "Oh yeah? How did it go living with the guys? Sounds like it could take some getting used to. Blaine would probably be okay, there's something 'bout gay guys, but Puck? That woulda been interesting."

She gave her old school rival a small wave. "No bother. It was... well, interesting to bump into you after all this time. I hopefully it all works out for you and you get what you want outta life now."

"It was fine, I did my own thing and slept on the couch while they did whatever it was they were into at the time. Noah was an actual human being most days."

"Same to you. It was good to see you again." she nodded "Take care"

You can't use a half-loop stitch on china silk, it will pucker.

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