"Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I'm fun again."

[rockstarwarbler.livejournal.com]

Who: rockstarwarbler and justbeingaqueen
What: Courage
Where: Blaine & Puck's apartment
When: Saturday night
Rating: Higher than normal...

The movie was ending just as Blaine was finishing off a whole bag of Doritoes that he washed down with the last vestiges of his can of Mountain Dew. It was strange when they both suggest When Harry Met Sally almost simultaneously, so there was no doubt about what movie to tackle first. The whole evening so far had been comfortable. Blaine did, indeed, tell Puck to make himself scarce for the night - the whole night - which led to a lot of sex jokes and innuendo before Blaine just shoved him out the door with his backpack and told him not to come home until morning. He figured Puck could go stay with Jeff or something, maybe even Rachel. It didn't matter, he could figure something out. All Blaine needed was the apartment to himself so he could have this sleepover with Kurt... even if he had no idea what part of his brain actually let him suggest a sleepover of all things. First Disneyworld, now this. It was a miracle Kurt didn't think he was dropped on his head at birth by this point.

Kurt had surprisingly agreed, though, and he showed up just after six at Blaine's with his Louis Vuitton overnight bag, and after some small talk and the movie selection, they got changed into their pyjamas and settled in to watch. Not a whole lot of conversation had passed between them yet, but they sat together on the cushy sofa with a shared blanket over their laps and chips, candy and soda on the go around them. Blaine didn't even notice that Kurt was barely eating any of the stuff. He was too busy trying to keep his hands to himself and not let on that he was stealing glances at Kurt whenever he had the chance during the movie. A few times, the caught each other glancing and shared bashful smiles but nothing needed to be said. It was just nice company and Blaine was over the moon to finally be getting to spend more time with Kurt. It was without the airs and graces of the expensive restaurant, and without the awkward of random bumping into each other as they kept doing since they met. It was just relaxing and spending time together, and all it did was make Blaine's heart warm more and more to Kurt... who was looking adorable in his navy silk pyjamas with his initials monogrammed on the pocket.

Blaine brushed some crumbs off the blanket and swept his hands together. "Want to watch another one?" he asked. "What about The Little Mermaid? Can I get you another drink? Are you warm enough?" He was trying to keep the conversation light, but he was starkly aware that Kurt had mentioned there were things he wanted to talk to Blaine about in their texts earlier, but he had yet to bring it up. Maybe he had just changed his mind, but even thought Blaine was dying of curiosity, he didn't want to get up in Kurt's face and push him with it by demanding what it was. He didn't want to ruin any of this because it was just so nice.

"Soon. Right now, I really have to pee," Kurt admitted with a sheepish smile. He pushed the blanket back and uncurled from his spot on the sofa. "I didn't want to bother you during the movie, but I'll be right back. What way is the bathroom again?" he asked, pointing randomly back and forth. Blaine had told him, but that was when he first arrived and after basically not focusing on anything but Blaine since then (he could hardly concentrate on the movie), he was a bit disoriented now.

Blaine grinned and then laughed as he stood. "I might need to take a trip there myself. Come on, I'll show you," he said, taking Kurt's hand and leading him up the hall to the bathroom just beyond Puck's room. He pushed the door open and flicked the light on. "Right in there. Just shout if you need anything. I might make a cup of tea. Want one?"

Kurt gestured into the bathroom. "Tea sound nice, but you can go first if you like. I can wait."

"Go for it, I'll wait," Blaine assured him and then he stupidly got wrapped up in gazing into Kurt's eyes again. They both stood there with lopsided smiles on their faces, just watching each other. Kurt wasn't going to want Blaine standing guard at the bathroom door while he went, but that didn't even cross Blaine's mind. No, he was going to be lovesick puppy just a little longer and stand there with a goofy grin on his face thinking how nice Kurt smelt and how much he wanted to pet his arm in that soft silky fabric. Well, arm for a start... "I mean, I won't wait here. That's not what I meant! Not at all. Because that's creepy, and I don't want to be creepy, so I'll just go and make the tea. It's real tea... I'll make tea." But he didn't go to make tea. Instead, and without knowing who actually instigated it, they were liplocked, fingers curling into hair, and entwined in a spontaneous snog they had to this point held off on. Really, they deserved a medal.

There was just something so gorgeous about Blaine... or maybe it was a lot of little something that all wrapped up together in a new bow. Whatever it was, Kurt was just drawn into him and found himself mesmirized in Blaine's presence no matter what they were doing. He had this way of going off into cute little tangents about random things that Kurt didn't actually find random at all because he just liked listening to Blaine talk, and watching his lips when he did. It was when the tip of his tongue had darted out ever-so-quickly to wet his lips right before he confirmed it was real tea that had Kurt's discreet resolve snapping. The kiss was hungry, and he could taste the lingering flavour of the Mountain Dew on Blaine's lips. But it broke as quickly as it started, and the were both flustered, lips swollen and slightly breathless. Kurt bit down on his lip around a smile and pointed into the bathroom. "I'll just... um... I'll be right back," he promised and closed himself into the bathroom, leaning back against the door and placing his hand on his chest to feel his heart racing. Blaine just took his breath away. He was falling for him, and he knew it. Which is why he needed to pluck up the courage to talk to Blaine tonight... even if it killed him. He had been procrastinating, and that was only going to make things worse.

Blaine had to force his feet to move away from the bathroom, but he felt like he was floating and trailed his fingertips along the wall dreamily as he wandered to the kitchen to make the tea. Kurt had amazing lips. Blaine just wanted to keep kissing them forever. He wanted to kiss him all over, and snuggle him, and do all sorts of things that he shouldn't be thinking about because it would lead to a boner. Oh shit, he had another boner! He swore softly under his breath and grabbed himself through his pyjamas pants, giving a pointed squeeze. Then he looked down the length of his body, dancing from one foot to the other. "Crap, stop that!" he scolded his dick in a hushed whisper. "You're going to ruin everything!" At least he had managed to get the tea brewing and the mugs out ready, but he head the toilet flush in the distance and gave a small whimper. After a quick thought, he bolted over to the sofa to beat Kurt there and dragged the blanket back over his lap. It should buy him just a little time for his bits to return to where they should be before he had to get up to pour the tea.

Kurt padded back into the living room and gave a small double-take with a laugh finding Blaine cuddled up under the blanket again. "Changed your mind on the tea?" he asked and dropped back down on sofa beside him. He stretched out and gave a tentative twirl of his ankle. "Oh my god, it's like heaven being rid of those crutches but it still hurts a little. I still cannot believe I met you falling on my ass. I seriously wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole, like you wouldn't believe. But... I'm glad I did. As strange as that sound. I'm having a really nice time tonight. It's been a long time since I've really hung out with anyone but my friends, and I'm not sure it even counts because I live with them. Well, I don't live with Holly, but she lives close and we're regular fixtures at each other's places." He paused and quickly traced his tongue over his lips, still remembering the kiss from just a couple of minutes before. That was when he heard a chorus line of said friends' voices in his head telling him to bite the bullet and with an intent look at Blaine's face, he leant in and started to kiss him again.

Okay, this was good. Extremely good. That one small motion told Blaine that Kurt was okay with this because he was instigating this time. The kiss was slower, not as desperate or hungry and when the tips of their tongues brushed together, Blaine couldn't stifle a soft hum of appreciation. He put his hand up to cup Kurt's cheek and he wasn't quite sure how it happened, but they were soon lying in a knotted embrace on the sofa in an blatant make-out session. They were lying beside each other and their legs were curled in together. Blaine wasn't even sure how it all eventuated like that, but the kiss Kurt instigated just didn't seem to find an immediate end. Their lips remained locked and then they were lying, and hands were exploring - above the waiste, of course - but it was the first time Blaine had the opportunity to get a feel of Kurt's body, and how it felt pressed up against him. At least, until his hand was splaying over Kurt's chest and beginning to feel the plains of his chest through the silky fabric, which was exactly when the abruptly broke again and Blaine nearly toppled off the sofa in surprise with a squeak.

Kurt didn't mean to really break the kiss that quickly, but feeling Blaine get a bit more handsy than he anticipated took him by surprise and he panicked, accidentally shoving Blaine away from him. He grabbed at the poor guy before he fell off, though, and all of a sudden, his arms were wrapped securely around Blaine to hold him in place on the sofa, despite breaking out of the kiss. They got stuck in a few passing moments of silence then, their heavy breathing the only thing passing between then. Kurt looked into Blaine's big hazel eyes and then bit down hard on his lower lip to scramble into a sitting position. "I'm sorry... I'm really sorry!" he cried and wiped his sweaty palms on his thighs. "There's just... there's something I need to tell you, and um... I think it needs to be now rather than later. I don't mean to send you mixed signals. Can we just talk for a bit please?" he murmured with another imploring look to Blaine.

"Hey, of course we can," Blaine assured him with a gentle smile. His hand came to rest on Kurt's shoulder and he gave it a little affectionate rub. "I apologise. I feel like I keep rushing you or something, but I swear, that's not my intention at all. I'm not intending anything. I just... find it hard to resist you. I'm sorry. You came here to talk. But no pressure. I did make tea but it's probably been brewing way too long now. Let me just go and make another pot. We can turn the TV down low and talk about anything you want. Are you okay...?"

There was a heat that Kurt could feel creep into his cheeks now he was suddenly thrust into facing this. It was the first time ever, and even though he was proud of himself for not just throwing himself around like his father told him he shouldn't, it was still embarrassing. What if Blaine thought he was weird? Or frigid? Okay, maybe he sometimes thought he was the latter. It wasn't like he had anything else to base his experiences on. All he knew was that he never wanted to let anyone close, and he thought he was just waiting for the right person, but what if there was something inately flawed with him? What if he was just broken, and what if Blaine laughed at him? He sucked in a breath and swallowed thickly, almost getting cold feet then. But Blaine had been amazing, and he owed him this much, or what, really was he? A prick-teaser? A pain in the ass? Someone Blaine was wasting his time with? No matter what Kurt did, Blaine just seemed to get more and more keen, and Kurt knew he was getting more and more keen himself. Blaine was the first guy Kurt had ever fantasised about and that had to mean something? "Blaine, I... this..." He waved his hand back and forth between them and then baulked, not even knowing what words to start using.

Oh god, it was true. Kurt was going to pull the plug. Sure, Blaine didn't quite understand why he agreed to the sleepover if that was the intention, or why Kurt was even letting them kiss if he didn't want any of this. In fact, that was just plainly confusing and this showed on Blaine's face in the form of a creased up forehead and a blink of his eyes. "I thought we maybe could have had the start of something special happening here..." he had to finally admit in a tiny soft voice, the disappointment unable to be hidden. It was a trait in him he always hated. He couldn't hide his feelings when it came to his heart. It showed before he could stop it, and he couldn't deny he would be crushed once Kurt confirmed this couldn't go anywhere. In fact, there was a funny tickle in Blaine's throat that was almost a precursor to crying. Boy, had he fallen hard without realising.

Kurt's hand closed around both of Blaine's with a shake of his head. "No, no. That's not what I mean. Please, just hear me out. This is something you need to hear, as awkward as it is for me to bring up." He fell silent again then, his hands still tucked around Blaine's as he quickly figured out how to broach this. Like ripping off a band-aid? Probably the best solution before he started stammering and found the urge to bolt in shame. Why did it have to be so hard? Or why was he even feeling ashamed? Shouldn't it be something to be proud of? That was when he realised that ultimately the thing worrying him the most here was that he didn't want Blaine to be disappointed or have any negative feelings towards him in any way. In fact, he very much wanted to be just what Blaine said... something special happening. "I-I... I'm a virgin," he finally got out through a rush of a breath and then braced himself for the reaction.

"What?" Blaine's gasp of disbelief fell out of him before he could stop it. He wasn't even sure he heard right, but he was starkly aware that he could not give the wrong response here because it was such a delicate situation and Kurt was entrusted him with something so sacred that Blaine could blow it all in one fell swoop. He suddenly really, really did not want to ruin anything and he covered Kurt's hand with one of his own. "Not awkward. You have no idea how not awkward it is..." he murmured.

If Blaine said so. And Kurt did give him a 'seriously' look at this, because it suddenly felt even more awkward than it had a moment ago. Did Blaine have some sort of fetish for screwing virgins? Why did he seem just a little more intrigued all of a sudden? It was throwing Kurt off. He wasn't sure what sort of reaction he expected exactly, but this wasn't it. So, for some reason, his brain decided rambling was the best response and he suddenly had a distinct dose of verbal diarrhoea. "I-I've just been waiting, you know? For the right person? I always wanted it to be with someone I had some sort of intimate connection with, and just just throw myself around like a tart, and I always thought I would feel that connection and just know, but I've never felt it before, so I wasn't just going to go out there and do it for the fuck of it. That's not me, and I guess with college and work and... stuff, I just lost track of time, so now I'm here pushing twenty five and I'm a virgin, and I... haven't had any experience in that realm whatsoever and it has freaked me out a little to suddenly find... find you, and I probably should have told you that you inadvertently ended up being my first kiss, and my first date, because you did, but I thought I could just bluff my way through it all. But truth is, I'm crapping myself inside because I really have no idea what I'm doing and I don't want you to think I'm an idiot." He paused briefly then, with a quick swallow to wet his mouth which felt like it was full of sandpaper all of a sudden. "I should have told you sooner, I'm sorry. It's just not exactly something I'm used to discussing with anyone."

Blaine didn't try to interrupt the verbal diarrhoea at all. In fact, if you got to that stage, it usually meant you were worried, nervous, anxious... any of those things or a mix of them, but did need to get out what you wanted to say. But Blaine found it so totally sweet and endearing that he knew he was watching Kurt's mouth when he spoke, and the way his eyes seemed to express so much when he didn't realise. He listened to every word, however, and it stunned him. Absolutely stunned him. He was Kurt's first... everything so far? That was some heavy responsibility right there, but it suddenly all made sense why Kurt was so skittish about everything. Blaine had thought it was his fault, or that Kurt just wasn't that into him. On the contrary, it was just Kurt's on insecurities, and Blaine felt guilty for even doubting him. "Shhhh," Blaine soon hushed him with a smile and rubbed his thumb over the back of Kurt's hand. "Kurt, the reason why I said this is not awkward is because... well... I'm a virgin too," he confessed.

Okay, that really shocked the ass off Kurt. "You what?!" he cried, his voice coming out even a little more higher and squeakier than usual. He wasn't judging by any means, because he wasn't a hypocrite, but Blaine was just so damn gorgeous and he seemed to really know his way around Kurt's mouth, so Kurt had made the assumption he had experience with a lot of mouths... among other things. "But you're so hot!" As soon as that was out there for the taking, Kurt immediately wanted to moan in horror at himself and facepalm. God, that was unsubtle, unclassy, and unfabulous.

Blaine just laughed. "Well, so are you!" he responded insistently, though with much amusement. "I've been worried that you were going to be all sex god and I wouldn't know how to keep up. I mean, look at you! You're stunning. You have the most amazing lips... and seriously? Your first kiss? Are you kidding me? How the hell could that be your first kiss back on the beach? I had, like, firework explosions behind my eyes! Are you sure that was really your first kiss?"

Kurt baulked. Maybe it was a stretch of the truth, but it was the first kiss that counted. "I... um..." he stammered a little. How to explain this bullshit? "The first kiss that mattered. There was a couple of pecks with a cheerleader in sophomore year when I was trying to convince myself and my dad that I could be straight. I basically just wanted to know of her what boys' lips tasted like. It was some serious delusional I had going on. Very long story for another day. Then there was... an uninvited, unreciprocated, basically stolen kiss from a bully I thought was a homophobe who was really closeted. That's... not something I'm ready to talk about yet, but I will soon. Just not yet. Not tonight. Tonight is supposed to be nice, before I nearly wet myself about telling you I'm still a holder of the epic V-card."

The humour had left Blaine by this point, and he was watching Kurt closely with concern. "Are you saying he... assaulted you?"

"No! I mean, not rape or anything. That's not why I'm a virgin. It was just a kiss," Kurt quickly clarified so Blaine at least had the clearest picture he could offer right now. "But you were the first real kiss that I very much wanted to share, and I wanted to tell you at the time but I got scared. I know it might have seemed like the fact I felt you... turned on was what I was panicking about, but it wasn't. It was just quick and unexpected for me because I hadn't felt that before. When I thought... assumed incorrectly... that you were a lot more sxually experienced than me, I panicked. I didn't mean to ruin anything. That whole night was amazing. I couldn't have asked for a better first date."

"It's okay. I don't blame you for anything, but I have to admit I'm glad you're talking to me about this. I did worry it was me, or that I was maybe more into you than you were of me," Blaine told him sheepishly. "I guess because these are some firsts for me too. I think we should be tit-for-tat here, seeing as I completely understand how much courage it took for you to tell me any of this. So... I haven't had any boyfriends. I'm very much of the same mindset as you there. I've been... searching, but never managed to find what I was looking for. Until... until now, I think. I've had a few dates. Not many, and a couple of them led to a bit of experimentation. Basically, they were a lot more experienced than I was and I really wasn't ready. They, um, gave me oral sex, but I didn't reciprocate. That's all it's been. There's never been anyone special, and lately I've been wondering if I'm broken or something. There was no one I ever encountered I feel like I had any sort of connection to, which is what I wanted... and then I met you."

It felt like so much to take in and absorb. Kurt was just damn blown away by the fact Blaine was a virgin. Neither of them had sex with anyone else. The enormity of it wasn't lost on Kurt by any means, however it was daunting and a lot to take in. He would need time to absorb it. What he did know, though, was that what Blaine was saying had been the same for him. Yes, he tried to fight it and deny it was anything, just like he always tried to do. But that connection had been so strong, fighting it was impossible. He kept running into Blaine, they kept getting into these long chats online, they texted regularly. There was something there, and Kurt knew if he battled it anymore, he was going to end up miserable and probably regret it for the rest of this life. Instead of replying, he just found Blaine's lips with his own and kissed him softly, tenderly. It was totally void of urgency and gave way to something else entirely different. Something Kurt needed, perhaps? They resumed their position lying down on the sofa together in the embrace, but the kisses were more gentle and exploring. It broke a couple of times for them to share soft smiles and Blaine rubbed his nose against Kurt's in an eskimo kiss that Kurt was never, ever going to forget. That was when he plucked up more courage (courage... that was ironically present a lot lately) and took Blaine's hand, guiding it down his body. "See? I am just as into you as you are to me..."

Blaine's breath hitched as soon as he found his hand, wrapped in Kurt's, pressed up against Kurt's erection through his pyjamas pants. Jesus, there was nothing lacking with this guy whatsoever, even if Blaine didn't mean to steal that moment of particular appreciation. They were gazing into each other's eyes and Blaine wrapped his fingers tentatively around the hard length he could feel beyond the silky barrier. "Do you masturbate? Do you get yourself off?" he whispered. It was a fair question. Kurt seemed to discreet, maybe jerking off wasn't his thing. Maybe sexual stuff was a completely new experience for him. Blaine, on the other hand, was extremely well-versed in the art of self-pleasure. He might be a virgin, but he knew his way around having orgasms just fine... and regularly.

How did all this come to this? Kurt's mind was blown away, but he chose to place some foreign trust into Blaine's hands right now and gave a little nod. "Sometimes," he confirmed breathlessly, unknowingly following Blaine's train of thought. He did it sometimes, but not very often. He didn't think sex was something he cared much for, but he was rapidly beginning to wonder if it was just because masturbation to him was basically sex with someone he spent a lot of time not really liking very much... but again, a story that wasn't for that night. There was just no denying, though, that Blaine's hand on him through his pants right now was giving him all sorts of unfamiliar sensations, and none of which were unpleasant. It was on the tip of his tongue to confess he masturbated extensively to Blaine in his head the other day, but Kurt had been so mortified that Quinn walked in on him right in the midst and just before climax that he was too scared to do it again.

"Will you let me get you off?" Blaine murmured against Kurt's lips as his own brushed over the fullness of them. Everything about Kurt was so soft and gentle, sans for what he was sporting in his pants at that moment. Blaine's own hips were nestled up against Kurt's thigh and he had a raging boner himself. It wasn't like he was about to suggest they jump into bed together, but he wanted to increase that intimacy a little. If Kurt would let him. "Not even skin-on-skin, just like this..." He rocked his hips a little against Kurt's leg. It really wouldn't take a lot of friction to get him off right now. His hand on Kurt's dick alone would be enough. Kurt was aroused for him, and that was doing all sorts of splodey things in Blaine's mind.

This was another one of those crossroads moments that could make or break anything. There was still enough insecurities and uncertainty within Kurt for him to momentarily contemplate saying no and telling Blaine he wasn't ready. But the thing was... he was ready. He did want this, he wanted Blaine, and he wanted to know what this sort of thing felt like with him or he wouldn't be jerking off over images of him, or he wouldn't be willingly putting the guys hand on his dick. Where the hell had that burst of confidence come from anyway? Blaine smelt so damn good, and he felt warm and cosy up against Kurt's body. Kurt was still a guy in his twenties... he had needs, even if he was just discovering them. "Okay..." was the only response he uttered before the kiss was picked back up with more intensity this time. Now all he had to do was pray he didn't do something embarrassing like climax ten seconds into proceedings...



RP LOG, SCENE COMPLETE