"I-I--" Rachel stammered, completely shocked and taken aback by his confronting question. But ultimately, words just failed her and she had to snap her mouth shut again when she could answer it. She had no answer and it wasn't even a question she had ever asked herself for. There was maybe a tiny part of her that was annoyed at him for asking it and just throwing it out there to roadblock her, but when she glanced up at his face again, there was nothing confronting or aggressive there at all. It was just an honest question that he seemed bewildered about. All he wanted to know was why she had created such a battle in his own school life and why he had always had to fight her on anything. Enough time had passed for him to have the balls to ask now, and with them trying to call some sort of truce here, she realised he had every right to ask her.
She toyed with the pendant on her necklace, a nervous gesture she always harboured. She wanted to get up and leave, but that was the coward's way, and she didn't want to be a coward anymore. All this happening with Blaine, Kurt, and Puck, she wanted to try and claim her life back and find some way to just... like herself again. Right now, she just didn't, and she was pretty sure she hadn't in a very long time. Maybe Kurt was right. Maybe it was the pregnancy and adoption that had done that and she never realised just exactly how much it had stolen from her. "T-There's nothing really. It's just that I never really found my feet again after that. I always felt like it was a screw up I could never change. It was this blight that would always be in my past that I was ashamed of. Because I was. I wanted my first time to be special and I... I thought once push came to shove that Puck might... he might just... I-I mean, he wanted me, and at a time I was really not sure about myself, that made me feel good. But it's our past, and it was one time. There was no way I was ever his type. We're just... we're better as friends. I don't have many friends. That's why Puck and Blaine mean the world to me. I feel like wanting anything more than that is asking too much because no one ever really wants to put up with me. I mess everything up. But I wish someone would one day look at me the way Blaine looks at you," she finally admitted, her voice lowering to almost a whisper and she couldn't even make eye contact with him. "Anyone I think might be a hope of that, when I look... they're in another direction. Story of my life really. The only way I could get anyone to notice me was if I just put myself everywhere. I-I guess that's why I was so annoying to be around. And now I have nothing because the two people who meant anything to me don't have room for me in their lives anymore."
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She toyed with the pendant on her necklace, a nervous gesture she always harboured. She wanted to get up and leave, but that was the coward's way, and she didn't want to be a coward anymore. All this happening with Blaine, Kurt, and Puck, she wanted to try and claim her life back and find some way to just... like herself again. Right now, she just didn't, and she was pretty sure she hadn't in a very long time. Maybe Kurt was right. Maybe it was the pregnancy and adoption that had done that and she never realised just exactly how much it had stolen from her. "T-There's nothing really. It's just that I never really found my feet again after that. I always felt like it was a screw up I could never change. It was this blight that would always be in my past that I was ashamed of. Because I was. I wanted my first time to be special and I... I thought once push came to shove that Puck might... he might just... I-I mean, he wanted me, and at a time I was really not sure about myself, that made me feel good. But it's our past, and it was one time. There was no way I was ever his type. We're just... we're better as friends. I don't have many friends. That's why Puck and Blaine mean the world to me. I feel like wanting anything more than that is asking too much because no one ever really wants to put up with me. I mess everything up. But I wish someone would one day look at me the way Blaine looks at you," she finally admitted, her voice lowering to almost a whisper and she couldn't even make eye contact with him. "Anyone I think might be a hope of that, when I look... they're in another direction. Story of my life really. The only way I could get anyone to notice me was if I just put myself everywhere. I-I guess that's why I was so annoying to be around. And now I have nothing because the two people who meant anything to me don't have room for me in their lives anymore."