Rachel lowered her eyes in shame. He was right. Beyond right. They really all had been awful people to each other a lot of the time. "But we were just trying to keep our heads above board and find a place to belong. I'm justifying how we were, but if we just put all that aside and be friends, maybe none of this awful stuff would have gotten as bad as it did. I wouldn't have lost Finn as a friend, Kurt might have actually even wanted to be my friend, Quinn would have been looking at me like I was something she stepped in, people might have given you more chances than just assuming you were nothing but an irresponsible slut. How did we screw ourselves over so bad? I feel like I have nothing to show for any of that horrible stuff. None of it was worth anything... and now Kurt's sick because of it. I wish I knew how to make it better."
She nodded as she listened, but she was toying anxiously with the pendant around her neck. She couldn't help but wonder what things would have been like if Kurt and Blaine met each other back in school. She knew the early days of their relationship here, where it was all still new and shiny, they had pretty much fallen for each other from the moment they met. She knew that much. Probably not love right off the bat, because love at first sight was a fallacy. No one could truly love someone just on looks. But it was like there was a natural connect there to see how Blaine had responded to it. He had been on Cloud 9. Now it had all gone horribly wrong, but not from anything Blaine did, and it wasn't Kurt to blame either because he was ill. "I... I don't even know how I would begin to talk to Kurt. I'll talk to Blaine, but Kurt is a whole other factor. And the way you talk, it sounds like he's really sick and maybe I should just keep my distance anyway. Is there anything, really, that I could do to help? I don't know anything about eating disorders. I tried one in sophomore year, but I failed at even that. I can't imagine even a little what it would be like to keep doing that for years on end. How is he even still functioning? If I even had the slightest clue about any of it, I would never have said those horrible things to him. And I... I... the day it happened, Kurt ended up in the ER. Was that my fault? Did I push him to make himself sicker?"
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She nodded as she listened, but she was toying anxiously with the pendant around her neck. She couldn't help but wonder what things would have been like if Kurt and Blaine met each other back in school. She knew the early days of their relationship here, where it was all still new and shiny, they had pretty much fallen for each other from the moment they met. She knew that much. Probably not love right off the bat, because love at first sight was a fallacy. No one could truly love someone just on looks. But it was like there was a natural connect there to see how Blaine had responded to it. He had been on Cloud 9. Now it had all gone horribly wrong, but not from anything Blaine did, and it wasn't Kurt to blame either because he was ill. "I... I don't even know how I would begin to talk to Kurt. I'll talk to Blaine, but Kurt is a whole other factor. And the way you talk, it sounds like he's really sick and maybe I should just keep my distance anyway. Is there anything, really, that I could do to help? I don't know anything about eating disorders. I tried one in sophomore year, but I failed at even that. I can't imagine even a little what it would be like to keep doing that for years on end. How is he even still functioning? If I even had the slightest clue about any of it, I would never have said those horrible things to him. And I... I... the day it happened, Kurt ended up in the ER. Was that my fault? Did I push him to make himself sicker?"