http://justbeingaqueen.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] justbeingaqueen.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] slidingmoments 2012-03-23 03:43 pm (UTC)

Having someone be attentive to him on this level was probably the biggest thing Kurt was learning to swallow. His fag hags took care of him without fail, but this was different. It was just natural to Blaine to seek reassurance that Kurt was okay regularly because he cared and it was in his heart to do that. But it was a closely scrutinising eye Kurt had on him more often than not now and that made dealing with an eating disorder that much more difficult. Yes, he had a string of therapy appointments booked, starting Monday, but the voices were still there in his head right now, and right now, they were telling him to stuff as much of that pizza into his mouth as he could manage and they were even drowning out some of Blaine's cute babbling about the development of their relationship.

Then he felt Blaine's eyes on him and he blinked, looking away from the food with a smile of confirmation. "Right. Of course. You'll be the first to know, darling." Hearing he was perfect didn't need to use a treadmill? Not quite the same impact, and Kurt pushed the slice of vegetarian pizza to the edge of his plate and proceeded to heap a slice from each of the pans onto it. Then he made sure all his cutlery was lined up perfectly, and that the napkin in his lap was folded over three times and not hanging over the edge of his knees. The actions were subtle, but it was still a ritual he had to do before he started to eat. He moved his water glass from the left side of his plate to the right, and made sure it was in line with his knife. As long as Blaine was doing all the talking, he didn't need to an he could focus. If he ate all of these slices, and then worked out before bed and again first thing in the morning, he might be able to get away with just laxatives this time.

Quinn's eyes were on him, though and when he glanced up to meet them, he didn't hold the gaze and just went on to pick up the first slice of pizza with his fingertips and started eating it... probably way too quickly, considering he soon finished the first piece before Puck and Blaine even got halfway through theirs. God, it was good. It was like heaven and suddenly he was ravenous. He didn't realise how stressful this situation was on him, and even though he thought he had control, he didn't. He was beyond nervous and he felt under a scrutinising spotlight from all three of them. They were watching him, which only made him want to eat more. If he just ate at the same pace as Puck and Blaine, no one would know anything was up. And he could always get rid of it if he needed to. They were eating, so why shouldn't he?

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