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slidingmoments2012-03-11 02:33 am
rockstarwarbler.livejournal.com) wrote in slidingmoments2012-03-11 02:33 am
"I'll be there to comfort you. Build my world of dreams around you, I'm so glad that I found you."
Who: ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rockstarwarbler and justbeingaqueen
What: Learning to need
Where: Jackson Memorial Hospital, Miami
When: After THIS
Rating: PG
Blaine hurriedly mapped the large numbers painted on the walls of the bays as he walked quickly up the corridor of the ER at Jackson Memorial. The receptionist only gave him Kurt's location after Blaine had to show her the conversation he had on Facebook with Kurt to prove that he wasn't some random stranger not entitled to be in Kurt's presence. Which made sense, but it frustrated Blaine to no end. Once he spotted he big number 8 there, he skidding around the corner to find Kurt propped up on the gurney there... with half a face of bruising.
"Oh my god!" he gasped, hurrying over to Kurt to cup his good cheek to check out the injuries closer. "Oh god, you poor thing. Are you in pain? Are you feeling okay?" With a sympathetic murmur, Blaine pressed a kiss to Kurt's forehead and than carefully hugged him. It couldn't just be nothing but superficial bruising if he was still being kept here, but Kurt hadn't exactly been forthcoming with any specific information over Facebook. In fact, Blaine was sure Kurt wasn't even going to let him come here, and he had been relieved when Kurt finally relented. Apparently Kurt fainted on during a workout on his treadmill, but he just didn't look well. Why was he even fainting on the treadmill anyway? Something didn't feel right, but Blaine wasn't sure if he should push or not, but he was suddenly worried Kurt might be hiding some sort of serious illness... he just had to stifle it and push it down to not think about it.
This was new. This was very, very new. Not now he was feeling, per se, because that was old, but having someone - a boyfriend someone - fuss over him in concern and worry like this. Sure, Kurt had his fag hags and there was never any question at least one of them would be there ASAP when he needed them, and the others would get there as soon as they could. He had to become more accustomed to receiving this attention, and he couldn't help but wonder if he would have been any good at it pre-eating disorder when he was a teenager... if he ever managed to get a boyfriend when he was a teenager. He never did, though. Obviously. Once the illness had its clutches into him, he averted any sort of positive attention or praise because he didn't believe it. And lately, the eating disorder voices in his head were louder and louder. He knew it wasn't because of Blaine, but he knew some of it was factored to not really knowing easily how to have someone who really was just attracted to him and wanted to spend more and more time with him... even intimate time... just because he was him.
"I'm fine... I'm fine," Kurt reassured him and wrapped his fingers around Blaine's hand against his cheek. And then, despite his old tendencies trying to tell him otherwise, he was overcome with a sense of gratitude that Blaine had come, and so quickly. "I'm sorry I was a stubborn bitch. I'm glad you came. It's nothing, though. Just a bit of concussion. I'm seriously looking forward to just lying down in my own bed. I'm really not a fan of hospitals."
Blaine nodded, listening to Kurt closely and finding himself softly stroking his fingers through Kurt's hair in some subconscious attempt to soothe him. "Nothing beats your own bed, that's for sure. As soon as they give you the word, I can take you home and you can stay in your bed as long as you need. I mean, I can stay and take care of you. I only have a couple of classes over the next few days, no assignments or anything. You wouldn't have to worry about anything. It looks like you took a really bad bump to the head, honey. It looks sore. Whatever you need, I can help you out, okay?" It was just natural for Blaine to assume he would help his boyfriend when he needed it, but he really, really wasn't prepared for the flicker of uncertainty and maybe even borderline panic that cross Kurt's face at the mere suggestion and Blaine's fingers paused in the stroking. "You... don't want me to help? Kurt, I... I don't really understand what you..." ... want? ... need? ... feel? Instead, he just trailed off and didn't even know how best to finish the thought.
As soon as Blaine faltered, Kurt realised he hadn't managed to catch his reaction quick enough and he was mentally kicking himself. How was he supposed to try and explain to Blaine that it was him and that he had to literally learn how to deal with a lot of this? It was going to make him sound like a total mental case, but maybe on some level, that's exactly what he was. He remembered his conversation with Holly, how she told him he had to tell Blaine, because Blaine deserved to know, and the words were right there on the tip of his tongue to spill everything... but he couldn't. It all jammed up somewhere in his throat and he couldn't get it out. The panic churned in his stomach and he glanced away, looking for that plastic bag the nurse had given him because he really felt like he was going to be sick from the sheer discontent swirling around within him. He grabbed the bag and pulled it close, the plastic crackling in his grip as he finally met Blaine's gaze again. "I do want you to help. Of course I do. I'm sorry... I'm just getting used to this dating thing. It's never been, um, easy for people to see me weak," he added. It was a bit of a start, right? "Don't worry, that double-standard isn't lost on me considering I was convincing you a few days ago I didn't care when you were sick in front of me. I didn't mean to make you feel like I didn't want you here."
Kurt wasn't feeling well, he was nauseous, and Blaine merely glanced at the bag when Kurt picked it up and went right back to stroking his hair as he stood there beside the gurney. "It's okay. You have a lot of friends who probably know way better than I do about what you need. That was really forward of you, and I'm sorry. I had no right to just assume and take liberties that we're progressed anywhere enough that I should be the one taking care of you. I just crapped myself when I heard you were in the hospital and I just... yeah. How about I just drive you home after they let you out? I promise I won't go shoving my nose in anywhere more than that. Just so I can be sure you get home to your bed safely. You can buzz the nurse to give you something for the nausea, you know." He had been going to offer to go find the nurse, but quickly changed his tactics. He really didn't want Kurt thinking he was being a pain in the ass, even if he really did want to just not leave his side and take care of him right now. He wanted it so bad, it was aching inside and he felt a funny tickle in the back of his throat like he wanted to cry. He didn't understand it, but it was there. Maybe he just wanted all this more than Kurt? Had he pushed him too fast too soon? He just wet his lips and tried not to feel awkward being there. "Maybe I should just go?"
"Blaine, no!" Kurt immediately protested at that, and gave the guy a trouble, yet apologetic frown. "Please, I'm sorry. I don't want to make you feel like this. I'm not pushing you away and I love that you came here. And that you're worried about me. I'm just not used to it, okay? Give me a bit of wiggle room? Please? I am trying to find my feet and I'm screwing it up. Please don't feel awkward or that I'm trying to push you away. My subconscious reactions sometimes get the better of me. Yes, my friends would step up, no questions asked, and even though they're probably going to have a hard time accepting this... maybe you could take me home and... stay. At least the night, maybe longer. We can see how we go. We might want to kill each other," he added jokingly and then gave Blaine small smile, still filled with guilty apology. Fuck, if he didn't pull his act together on all of this soon, he was going to ruin the best thing to ever happen to him.
Listening to Kurt stumble around his apology and explanation, Blaine did realise there was baggage here. They had had acknowledged between them a few times that they both had pasts and there were issues. He knew it was way too much to expect that this would all be easy and constant hearts and roses. There was more to it than that and they did really need to learn each other. Blaine just had this way of going in like a bull at a gate with his feelings, and Kurt seemed the opposite to that. They needed to find even ground and he needed to not take it personally. Hell, if Kurt did want to go home to his friends to look after him, Blaine should respect that without getting hurt and upset. He nodded, returning the smile. "I'd really like that. And just so you know? You can tell me to go whenever you need to. I promise I won't take it to heart. Did they say why you passed out?"
It was never going to not rear its ugly head, and whatever way Kurt turned, there were chances for him to tell Blaine his deepest secrets. He didn't take them, though. He was a coward and he was ashamed, but above all else, he was worried if Blaine heard, he would hate him. He would break up with him because it was too much of a burden... or any of those bad things that could come of it. Kurt could only see bad coming of it, so he kept quiet. If he went back to therapy, he could get back on top of it and it would all be fine. "Dehydration," he murmured. It wasn't a lie. It was part of it. When he was brought in here, he had been severely dehydrated from the purging and losing extra fluids from pushing himself too far with exercise. "I was feeling a bit off today too. It's okay, though. They gave me IV fluids and something for the pain. I guess they just want to make sure my brain doesn't fall out of my ears or something. But I'm tired. It's been a shit day. Save for seeing you," he added, holding Blaine's gaze with tired fondness.
"I'm not going to talk to Rachel until she apologises to me, and agrees to get her head out of her ass with this," Blaine resolved, his face darkening. Rachel was supposed to be his fag hag, but why couldn't she be like Kurt's, who seemed to support him unconditionally? With Rachel, it was always about her, and how she felt, and things impacted on her. It never mattered what Blaine's feelings were or what he wanted, and he was fed up with it. He didn't need it. He could be a fag without hags. At least he was a fag with a boyfriend now, and one that he thought was pretty goddamn amazing. If his friends couldn't respect that, they could screw themselves.
"I don't want to talk about her," Kurt returned immediately. He did not want to veer anywhere near the things that triggered this whole episode for him. It wasn't just one thing, it was a lot of things rolled into one, but it had sent his self-loathing into overdrive and he just wanted to move on from it. Holly was making the therapist appointment for him so he didn't pull out and he just wanted to curl up in bed to sleep until his head stopped thumping. But he wanted to curl up with Blaine and that gave him a warm feeling in his stomach, because it was going to be a reality. This time, it wouldn't just be hiding under the covers in his bed until one of his friends dug him out of the wallowing. He might actually have a better reason to dig himself out of it this time.
Blaine nodded in understanding. He didn't want to talk about it either. But he didn't want Kurt to just lie there feeling crappy. "So, we have to come up with something else to talk about. I can do that. Did I tell you I also have a phobia of needles? I'm sort of glad that IV is gone now, or I could be out cold on the floor. I don't really want to go for the trifecta of not endearing myself around you. First I vomit on you, then my friend says she hates you, and the last thing I need is it to hit the floor cold when someone waves a needle in front of me. I'm also not a fan flying. If we ever go on a trip, we might have to walk," he joked. "You know before we met each other, and there might have been times you think about how nice it would be to do some things if you had a boyfriend to share it with? What's one of those things for you?"
Blaine was such a chatterer. He just talked away, and Kurt found himself lost in his soft and calm voice as he spoke. It was comforting. He could be so random, but with Kurt calculating his life so much on so many different things, Blaine's outlook was a nice change of pace. Maybe this right here was exactly what he needed. Maybe it was okay to need Blaine and not be determined to go everything alone so damn much. He sought out Blaine's hand and threaded their fingers together, and for a moment, just enjoyed the warmth of Blaine's hand in his. It was nice. "This right here," he said quietly. "It might sound strange, but I always thought holding hands with someone you were with looked really nice. Like a way to say, hey, I like feeling you close to me. And I do. I know I haven't made this easy on you, but I've enjoyed every minute with you. I want to spend more time with you... and I think slow dancing looks really nice too. I never went to my prom. Quinn tried to get me to go, but it just felt so cheap and wrong without someone to really share it with. But... I've never slow danced with anyone."
"Me either," Blaine responded and rubbed his thumb across the back of Kurt's hand. "On both cases, really. I mean, I had a very brief sort of romantic interaction with a couple of guys in the past, but it was nothing really. It never got to the point of holding hands just because, and really nowhere near slowdancing. It was just a couple of times Puck tried to help me hook up and I dipped my toes into the water. It didn't do anything for me. I danced at some clubs and gay bars with guys, but that wasn't slowdancing. It was... um, you mean romantic interaction. Something where you want to take the time to just be with someone. I've never had that before. Not until you. Now I really can't stop thinking about that sort of thing with you. I guess it's why I was so, so desperate for my friends to get along with you. I realise how deluded that probably was now, but I... hoped it all could be as perfect as I've constructed it in my head. And other than the thing we're not going to talk about, it has been. I'm falling pretty hard for you, Kurt. I just wanted to tell you that. And when you're feeling better, maybe we can shoot for another date? Somewhere we can hold hands and slowdance," he suggested and reached up to brush Kurt's loose bangs from his eyes.
Kurt's head was resting back in the pillow now as he finally begun to rest without feeling agitated and stressed just from the environment and the impact of yet another slip down that slippery slop he always seemed to find himself on. There was something almost mesmirising for him about Blaine, and he knew he could just sit and listen to him talk for hours. There was maybe a tiny burst of jealousy that Blaine had spent time with other guys, but he could hear genuine tone to the words in that it really had been nothing. "Can I ask you something?"
Blaine nodded without hesitation. "You can ask me anything. Assuming I know the answer," he added with a laugh, shoving away the nervous flicker inside of what Kurt could be about to broach here. If he asked about any facet of his past, would he be ready to talk about it? He would have to sooner or later.
"Why me? Why do you want these things with me? And please just know I'm not fishing for compliments here. At all. I don't... take compliments well at the best of times. It's just probably becoming obvious that I'm not you average guy and there are things that might not come as easy as you hoped. Or at all. I... will tell you more about me eventually. When I manage to get the balls to. I just don't understand how you would want to pick me when you... well, could have any guy. Look at you. You're gorgeous, you're sweet, you're kind, you're funny, you have one of the biggest hearts I've known anyone to have..." Kurt paused, hesitating with a quick lick of his lips before continuing. "What the hell was it about me faceplanting the sidewalk in the rain that had you wanted to know me better?"
"You didn't ask me for help," Blaine replied without even needing to think about it and then he gave a shake of his head to stop Kurt cutting in with a protest. "Not even when I was there at your side to give it, you still were giving off this air that you didn't need help. That, and when you finally looked at me through the rain, your eyes were just beautiful. I don't even know what it was, but there was something in your eyes that day that just hooked me. I'm not going to say vulnerability, even if that was some of it. Who wouldn't be feeling vulnerable as falling like that? You just looked like you were searching for something, like you were lost, and I guess it was enough to hook me and wonder about you. I didn't even know if you were gay. Hell, I know it was a stupid, stupid risk even going back to see you the next day, but I just thought you were beautiful, Kurt. I still do. There doesn't need to be anything behind that. Not everything needs to be explained. Can't you just take it for what it is? You don't need to overanalyse this. At all. I can't put my finger on any one specific thing to help you understand here, but I know there are feelings there I can't explain that I've never felt before, and I know I'm beyond attracted to you. It's not like I can exactly fake a boner during a kiss..." he said sheepishly.
Kurt was nibbling on the corner of his lip as he listened and it wasn't lost on him how, ever now and again as he spoke, Blaine squeezed his hand softly to emphasise parts of his explanation and reassure Kurt he wasn't just yanking his chain and telling him what he wanted to hear. And now, he gave a small squeeze back and cleared his throat. "If I told you I had secrets that I do want to tell you but just need time to get there, would you think less of me? Think that all of this was just too much work?"
Blaine shook his head again. "No. Not at all. And you know why? Just hearing that somewhere inside, you do want to tell me is enough right now. I'm not going to push you, Kurt. At all. I have things I need to tell you and even though they're my own crosses to bear and won't impact on our relationship directly, I still do want to tell you. It might just take some really good alcohol and a few strategically placed boxes of Kleenex. There's nothing I want to rush with us because I like to hope we can go more distance than this. Right? Is... what you have to tell me something I should know sooner rather than later? I mean, you're not a murderer or have six wives in different states or something, do you?" He smirked, though, hopefully reassuring Kurt he was joking.
"Do I look like someone who would even have one wife?" Kurt joked back, but he was watching Blaine with a glimmer of uncertainty in his eyes. "It's... just me. It hasn't involved anyone else. So, no. No murder, no polygamy, nothing there is a law against... that I know of. And I'm an Atheist who has never been in a relationship, so I don't even think it's covered in the Ten Commandments. That's a good start, right?"
At this, Blaine just smiled and leaned forward to kiss Kurt's fingers. "I think we've made it beyond a start, babe. I'm not going anywhere. Except to take you home and make sure you are wrapped up warmly in your own bed with adequate fluid intake and pain relief. I'll even sleep on the sofa so I don't bother you while you're trying to rest. Cross my heart... which has absolutely beyond doubt falling head-over for you, Kurt Hummel."
"The sofa? You're not sleeping on the sofa," Kurt told him, knowing he didn't need to elaborate on that to explain what he meant. A couple of beats passed as he looked over Blaine's face. "Thank you," he finally added softly and his lips kicked up at the corners with a grateful smile.
"Right back at you, sweetheart," Blaine murmured. "Now rest. I'll wake you when they're going to discharge you."
RP LOG, SCENE COMPLETE
rockstarwarbler and justbeingaqueenWhat: Learning to need
Where: Jackson Memorial Hospital, Miami
When: After THIS
Rating: PG
Blaine hurriedly mapped the large numbers painted on the walls of the bays as he walked quickly up the corridor of the ER at Jackson Memorial. The receptionist only gave him Kurt's location after Blaine had to show her the conversation he had on Facebook with Kurt to prove that he wasn't some random stranger not entitled to be in Kurt's presence. Which made sense, but it frustrated Blaine to no end. Once he spotted he big number 8 there, he skidding around the corner to find Kurt propped up on the gurney there... with half a face of bruising.
"Oh my god!" he gasped, hurrying over to Kurt to cup his good cheek to check out the injuries closer. "Oh god, you poor thing. Are you in pain? Are you feeling okay?" With a sympathetic murmur, Blaine pressed a kiss to Kurt's forehead and than carefully hugged him. It couldn't just be nothing but superficial bruising if he was still being kept here, but Kurt hadn't exactly been forthcoming with any specific information over Facebook. In fact, Blaine was sure Kurt wasn't even going to let him come here, and he had been relieved when Kurt finally relented. Apparently Kurt fainted on during a workout on his treadmill, but he just didn't look well. Why was he even fainting on the treadmill anyway? Something didn't feel right, but Blaine wasn't sure if he should push or not, but he was suddenly worried Kurt might be hiding some sort of serious illness... he just had to stifle it and push it down to not think about it.
This was new. This was very, very new. Not now he was feeling, per se, because that was old, but having someone - a boyfriend someone - fuss over him in concern and worry like this. Sure, Kurt had his fag hags and there was never any question at least one of them would be there ASAP when he needed them, and the others would get there as soon as they could. He had to become more accustomed to receiving this attention, and he couldn't help but wonder if he would have been any good at it pre-eating disorder when he was a teenager... if he ever managed to get a boyfriend when he was a teenager. He never did, though. Obviously. Once the illness had its clutches into him, he averted any sort of positive attention or praise because he didn't believe it. And lately, the eating disorder voices in his head were louder and louder. He knew it wasn't because of Blaine, but he knew some of it was factored to not really knowing easily how to have someone who really was just attracted to him and wanted to spend more and more time with him... even intimate time... just because he was him.
"I'm fine... I'm fine," Kurt reassured him and wrapped his fingers around Blaine's hand against his cheek. And then, despite his old tendencies trying to tell him otherwise, he was overcome with a sense of gratitude that Blaine had come, and so quickly. "I'm sorry I was a stubborn bitch. I'm glad you came. It's nothing, though. Just a bit of concussion. I'm seriously looking forward to just lying down in my own bed. I'm really not a fan of hospitals."
Blaine nodded, listening to Kurt closely and finding himself softly stroking his fingers through Kurt's hair in some subconscious attempt to soothe him. "Nothing beats your own bed, that's for sure. As soon as they give you the word, I can take you home and you can stay in your bed as long as you need. I mean, I can stay and take care of you. I only have a couple of classes over the next few days, no assignments or anything. You wouldn't have to worry about anything. It looks like you took a really bad bump to the head, honey. It looks sore. Whatever you need, I can help you out, okay?" It was just natural for Blaine to assume he would help his boyfriend when he needed it, but he really, really wasn't prepared for the flicker of uncertainty and maybe even borderline panic that cross Kurt's face at the mere suggestion and Blaine's fingers paused in the stroking. "You... don't want me to help? Kurt, I... I don't really understand what you..." ... want? ... need? ... feel? Instead, he just trailed off and didn't even know how best to finish the thought.
As soon as Blaine faltered, Kurt realised he hadn't managed to catch his reaction quick enough and he was mentally kicking himself. How was he supposed to try and explain to Blaine that it was him and that he had to literally learn how to deal with a lot of this? It was going to make him sound like a total mental case, but maybe on some level, that's exactly what he was. He remembered his conversation with Holly, how she told him he had to tell Blaine, because Blaine deserved to know, and the words were right there on the tip of his tongue to spill everything... but he couldn't. It all jammed up somewhere in his throat and he couldn't get it out. The panic churned in his stomach and he glanced away, looking for that plastic bag the nurse had given him because he really felt like he was going to be sick from the sheer discontent swirling around within him. He grabbed the bag and pulled it close, the plastic crackling in his grip as he finally met Blaine's gaze again. "I do want you to help. Of course I do. I'm sorry... I'm just getting used to this dating thing. It's never been, um, easy for people to see me weak," he added. It was a bit of a start, right? "Don't worry, that double-standard isn't lost on me considering I was convincing you a few days ago I didn't care when you were sick in front of me. I didn't mean to make you feel like I didn't want you here."
Kurt wasn't feeling well, he was nauseous, and Blaine merely glanced at the bag when Kurt picked it up and went right back to stroking his hair as he stood there beside the gurney. "It's okay. You have a lot of friends who probably know way better than I do about what you need. That was really forward of you, and I'm sorry. I had no right to just assume and take liberties that we're progressed anywhere enough that I should be the one taking care of you. I just crapped myself when I heard you were in the hospital and I just... yeah. How about I just drive you home after they let you out? I promise I won't go shoving my nose in anywhere more than that. Just so I can be sure you get home to your bed safely. You can buzz the nurse to give you something for the nausea, you know." He had been going to offer to go find the nurse, but quickly changed his tactics. He really didn't want Kurt thinking he was being a pain in the ass, even if he really did want to just not leave his side and take care of him right now. He wanted it so bad, it was aching inside and he felt a funny tickle in the back of his throat like he wanted to cry. He didn't understand it, but it was there. Maybe he just wanted all this more than Kurt? Had he pushed him too fast too soon? He just wet his lips and tried not to feel awkward being there. "Maybe I should just go?"
"Blaine, no!" Kurt immediately protested at that, and gave the guy a trouble, yet apologetic frown. "Please, I'm sorry. I don't want to make you feel like this. I'm not pushing you away and I love that you came here. And that you're worried about me. I'm just not used to it, okay? Give me a bit of wiggle room? Please? I am trying to find my feet and I'm screwing it up. Please don't feel awkward or that I'm trying to push you away. My subconscious reactions sometimes get the better of me. Yes, my friends would step up, no questions asked, and even though they're probably going to have a hard time accepting this... maybe you could take me home and... stay. At least the night, maybe longer. We can see how we go. We might want to kill each other," he added jokingly and then gave Blaine small smile, still filled with guilty apology. Fuck, if he didn't pull his act together on all of this soon, he was going to ruin the best thing to ever happen to him.
Listening to Kurt stumble around his apology and explanation, Blaine did realise there was baggage here. They had had acknowledged between them a few times that they both had pasts and there were issues. He knew it was way too much to expect that this would all be easy and constant hearts and roses. There was more to it than that and they did really need to learn each other. Blaine just had this way of going in like a bull at a gate with his feelings, and Kurt seemed the opposite to that. They needed to find even ground and he needed to not take it personally. Hell, if Kurt did want to go home to his friends to look after him, Blaine should respect that without getting hurt and upset. He nodded, returning the smile. "I'd really like that. And just so you know? You can tell me to go whenever you need to. I promise I won't take it to heart. Did they say why you passed out?"
It was never going to not rear its ugly head, and whatever way Kurt turned, there were chances for him to tell Blaine his deepest secrets. He didn't take them, though. He was a coward and he was ashamed, but above all else, he was worried if Blaine heard, he would hate him. He would break up with him because it was too much of a burden... or any of those bad things that could come of it. Kurt could only see bad coming of it, so he kept quiet. If he went back to therapy, he could get back on top of it and it would all be fine. "Dehydration," he murmured. It wasn't a lie. It was part of it. When he was brought in here, he had been severely dehydrated from the purging and losing extra fluids from pushing himself too far with exercise. "I was feeling a bit off today too. It's okay, though. They gave me IV fluids and something for the pain. I guess they just want to make sure my brain doesn't fall out of my ears or something. But I'm tired. It's been a shit day. Save for seeing you," he added, holding Blaine's gaze with tired fondness.
"I'm not going to talk to Rachel until she apologises to me, and agrees to get her head out of her ass with this," Blaine resolved, his face darkening. Rachel was supposed to be his fag hag, but why couldn't she be like Kurt's, who seemed to support him unconditionally? With Rachel, it was always about her, and how she felt, and things impacted on her. It never mattered what Blaine's feelings were or what he wanted, and he was fed up with it. He didn't need it. He could be a fag without hags. At least he was a fag with a boyfriend now, and one that he thought was pretty goddamn amazing. If his friends couldn't respect that, they could screw themselves.
"I don't want to talk about her," Kurt returned immediately. He did not want to veer anywhere near the things that triggered this whole episode for him. It wasn't just one thing, it was a lot of things rolled into one, but it had sent his self-loathing into overdrive and he just wanted to move on from it. Holly was making the therapist appointment for him so he didn't pull out and he just wanted to curl up in bed to sleep until his head stopped thumping. But he wanted to curl up with Blaine and that gave him a warm feeling in his stomach, because it was going to be a reality. This time, it wouldn't just be hiding under the covers in his bed until one of his friends dug him out of the wallowing. He might actually have a better reason to dig himself out of it this time.
Blaine nodded in understanding. He didn't want to talk about it either. But he didn't want Kurt to just lie there feeling crappy. "So, we have to come up with something else to talk about. I can do that. Did I tell you I also have a phobia of needles? I'm sort of glad that IV is gone now, or I could be out cold on the floor. I don't really want to go for the trifecta of not endearing myself around you. First I vomit on you, then my friend says she hates you, and the last thing I need is it to hit the floor cold when someone waves a needle in front of me. I'm also not a fan flying. If we ever go on a trip, we might have to walk," he joked. "You know before we met each other, and there might have been times you think about how nice it would be to do some things if you had a boyfriend to share it with? What's one of those things for you?"
Blaine was such a chatterer. He just talked away, and Kurt found himself lost in his soft and calm voice as he spoke. It was comforting. He could be so random, but with Kurt calculating his life so much on so many different things, Blaine's outlook was a nice change of pace. Maybe this right here was exactly what he needed. Maybe it was okay to need Blaine and not be determined to go everything alone so damn much. He sought out Blaine's hand and threaded their fingers together, and for a moment, just enjoyed the warmth of Blaine's hand in his. It was nice. "This right here," he said quietly. "It might sound strange, but I always thought holding hands with someone you were with looked really nice. Like a way to say, hey, I like feeling you close to me. And I do. I know I haven't made this easy on you, but I've enjoyed every minute with you. I want to spend more time with you... and I think slow dancing looks really nice too. I never went to my prom. Quinn tried to get me to go, but it just felt so cheap and wrong without someone to really share it with. But... I've never slow danced with anyone."
"Me either," Blaine responded and rubbed his thumb across the back of Kurt's hand. "On both cases, really. I mean, I had a very brief sort of romantic interaction with a couple of guys in the past, but it was nothing really. It never got to the point of holding hands just because, and really nowhere near slowdancing. It was just a couple of times Puck tried to help me hook up and I dipped my toes into the water. It didn't do anything for me. I danced at some clubs and gay bars with guys, but that wasn't slowdancing. It was... um, you mean romantic interaction. Something where you want to take the time to just be with someone. I've never had that before. Not until you. Now I really can't stop thinking about that sort of thing with you. I guess it's why I was so, so desperate for my friends to get along with you. I realise how deluded that probably was now, but I... hoped it all could be as perfect as I've constructed it in my head. And other than the thing we're not going to talk about, it has been. I'm falling pretty hard for you, Kurt. I just wanted to tell you that. And when you're feeling better, maybe we can shoot for another date? Somewhere we can hold hands and slowdance," he suggested and reached up to brush Kurt's loose bangs from his eyes.
Kurt's head was resting back in the pillow now as he finally begun to rest without feeling agitated and stressed just from the environment and the impact of yet another slip down that slippery slop he always seemed to find himself on. There was something almost mesmirising for him about Blaine, and he knew he could just sit and listen to him talk for hours. There was maybe a tiny burst of jealousy that Blaine had spent time with other guys, but he could hear genuine tone to the words in that it really had been nothing. "Can I ask you something?"
Blaine nodded without hesitation. "You can ask me anything. Assuming I know the answer," he added with a laugh, shoving away the nervous flicker inside of what Kurt could be about to broach here. If he asked about any facet of his past, would he be ready to talk about it? He would have to sooner or later.
"Why me? Why do you want these things with me? And please just know I'm not fishing for compliments here. At all. I don't... take compliments well at the best of times. It's just probably becoming obvious that I'm not you average guy and there are things that might not come as easy as you hoped. Or at all. I... will tell you more about me eventually. When I manage to get the balls to. I just don't understand how you would want to pick me when you... well, could have any guy. Look at you. You're gorgeous, you're sweet, you're kind, you're funny, you have one of the biggest hearts I've known anyone to have..." Kurt paused, hesitating with a quick lick of his lips before continuing. "What the hell was it about me faceplanting the sidewalk in the rain that had you wanted to know me better?"
"You didn't ask me for help," Blaine replied without even needing to think about it and then he gave a shake of his head to stop Kurt cutting in with a protest. "Not even when I was there at your side to give it, you still were giving off this air that you didn't need help. That, and when you finally looked at me through the rain, your eyes were just beautiful. I don't even know what it was, but there was something in your eyes that day that just hooked me. I'm not going to say vulnerability, even if that was some of it. Who wouldn't be feeling vulnerable as falling like that? You just looked like you were searching for something, like you were lost, and I guess it was enough to hook me and wonder about you. I didn't even know if you were gay. Hell, I know it was a stupid, stupid risk even going back to see you the next day, but I just thought you were beautiful, Kurt. I still do. There doesn't need to be anything behind that. Not everything needs to be explained. Can't you just take it for what it is? You don't need to overanalyse this. At all. I can't put my finger on any one specific thing to help you understand here, but I know there are feelings there I can't explain that I've never felt before, and I know I'm beyond attracted to you. It's not like I can exactly fake a boner during a kiss..." he said sheepishly.
Kurt was nibbling on the corner of his lip as he listened and it wasn't lost on him how, ever now and again as he spoke, Blaine squeezed his hand softly to emphasise parts of his explanation and reassure Kurt he wasn't just yanking his chain and telling him what he wanted to hear. And now, he gave a small squeeze back and cleared his throat. "If I told you I had secrets that I do want to tell you but just need time to get there, would you think less of me? Think that all of this was just too much work?"
Blaine shook his head again. "No. Not at all. And you know why? Just hearing that somewhere inside, you do want to tell me is enough right now. I'm not going to push you, Kurt. At all. I have things I need to tell you and even though they're my own crosses to bear and won't impact on our relationship directly, I still do want to tell you. It might just take some really good alcohol and a few strategically placed boxes of Kleenex. There's nothing I want to rush with us because I like to hope we can go more distance than this. Right? Is... what you have to tell me something I should know sooner rather than later? I mean, you're not a murderer or have six wives in different states or something, do you?" He smirked, though, hopefully reassuring Kurt he was joking.
"Do I look like someone who would even have one wife?" Kurt joked back, but he was watching Blaine with a glimmer of uncertainty in his eyes. "It's... just me. It hasn't involved anyone else. So, no. No murder, no polygamy, nothing there is a law against... that I know of. And I'm an Atheist who has never been in a relationship, so I don't even think it's covered in the Ten Commandments. That's a good start, right?"
At this, Blaine just smiled and leaned forward to kiss Kurt's fingers. "I think we've made it beyond a start, babe. I'm not going anywhere. Except to take you home and make sure you are wrapped up warmly in your own bed with adequate fluid intake and pain relief. I'll even sleep on the sofa so I don't bother you while you're trying to rest. Cross my heart... which has absolutely beyond doubt falling head-over for you, Kurt Hummel."
"The sofa? You're not sleeping on the sofa," Kurt told him, knowing he didn't need to elaborate on that to explain what he meant. A couple of beats passed as he looked over Blaine's face. "Thank you," he finally added softly and his lips kicked up at the corners with a grateful smile.
"Right back at you, sweetheart," Blaine murmured. "Now rest. I'll wake you when they're going to discharge you."
RP LOG, SCENE COMPLETE